Friday, May 14, 2010

Reality versus Illusions

I am very lucky to have this fabulous produce store very close and I am usually there three times a week. I have gotten to know all the staff, not by name (isn't that awful!) but everyone is friendly and we laugh, chat, even cry together from time to time.

The youngest staff member who recently married has had her first baby, a Boy! So were chatting and looking at pictures and of course - doing what ALL mothers do until their child turns 21 - telling the birth story. I am a firm believer that it is one of the coping mechanisms we use in order to even consider doing it again.

As she was telling me the story, and saying that what she thought she would feel and what she did feel where so out of line. She said I really thought that I would be so full of love and joy, that I would weep and smile, that the moment would be tender and beautiful. While she did describe all those feelings, she said they didn't happen until later - is that weird?

I don't think so. I remember being terrified, and fear started to give way to anxiety, and anxiety to relief. Literally! Because the baby was out, the labor was done, he was healthy and pink, and now what? It's not at all the Hollywood moment you expect it to be, it's more like, Miller time! and I don't really drink.

There is so much to absorb in those moments, hours, first few days. The things happening with your body alone - holy shitake mushrooms. Then there is this beautiful fragile creature expecting nothing and everything from you all at the same time.

I think about it like watching the corn grow. I grew up in farm country and funny thing about corn, it grows faster than you think. One day you notice them tilling the field and getting ready to plant, then you see sprouts, and by 4Th of July it's already knee high (usually way taller actually).

I guess it's a generic metaphor for life, used so often - children and seeds. But I think sometimes we forget, that everything starts with a seed and needs time to grow. Somethings will take a lifetime,and some take no time at all.

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