Monday, May 30, 2016

I'm sorry for your loss, but......

It's crazy to think the last time I even sat down to write anything was Mother's day. (I think I might have sent that from my phone while ruminating over another possible concussion)

Soccer takes over our lives in May. This week we will endure soccer tryouts, an event that I despise, and wrap up the 2015-2016 soccer season. We officially finished our regular season after heading to the "Big Dance" for U13 soccer. President's Cup. The boys made it to the Quarterfinals!! WooWhoo!

They lost the first game Saturday morning, but I can not tell you how proud I am. If you saw this team in the fall you would be too. They have come a long way and each player has grown so much this year it's amazing to watch.

After the loss, we had a two and a half hour drive home. I was begging the soccer gods to make my husband mute. Praying that he would not start as soon as we got in the car "Well if you hustled a little more, stepped up to the ball, that last goal...."

I've learned to shut-up and listen. After a loss when the boys would get in the car and start in on "The ref's sucked! No one played defense - I can't play two positions, the goalie didn't..." I would get mad thinking - #1 Don't you be THAT kid! and #2 Just wait a darn minute- there is no I in Team it says so on that motivational picture on every office wall since the late 80's. And #3 no it's rarely the ref's fault. 

The next thing you know we were all mad and after screaming at each other we would ride home in silence. My heart would hurt. My brain would be racing a mile a minute about how to fix this.  Until on day I kept my mouth shut. I said, I'm sorry. I maybe added, that does suck. I hate it when that happens. But mostly just, I'm sorry.

Somewhere in the last 13 years it finally dawned on me that my kids just need time to grieve. Duh! I know it's just a soccer game - so do they. When I just shut-up and let them have 5 minutes to vent and I acknowledge their loss they bounce back a lot quicker.

We have all suffered the loss of a loved one. What if after that loved one passed away at the funeral people came through line and said to you "I am so sorry for your loss, but if he wasn't an alcoholic he might have lived longer. You know you could have done a little more about getting him to stop drinking. Well, anyway - good effort, you tried, better luck next time."


Please so not repost on Facebook as the insane mom who thinks each soccer game should be mourned as a tragic loss. Just using an example we can all relate to-but let's face it people, when we were kids very few of us ever heard of select sports let alone were in a tournament at nine years-old. 

What I am saying is I personally struggle with what to say to my sons after a loss, especially after they make it to the Big Dance and lose their first game, just as I struggle to find the words to comfort anyone grieving or hurting. So I've learned to just say,,,,,, I'm sorry.

Sunday, May 8, 2016

To all the Soccer Mom's out there....

Happy Soccer Sunday with Mom's.  I know. We have two in soccer and today we are split up because one is at a tournament right now hopefully bringing home a Trophy. And the other is getting ready for a game. Whoever decided May would be a good month for Mother's Day did not have boys in soccer.
(or Baseball, I hear those mom's are all at the field also. Happy Baseball Mother's Day to you!)

For all the sports Mom out there today whether on the Pitch or the Diamond here is a my gift to you.
A Concussion Evaluation questionnaire to keep in your sports bag.  Number two son came home from yesterday's game saying he was "evidently" hit in the head by another player.

How do you get hit and the head and not know it?  This is the dramatic son so don't think that I called 911 or that my husband, who was in charge at the time, was completely lacking. My husband is making the "faker" face as I am asking my son some questions.

Information on concussions is ever changing and I thought it was helpful after seeing an actual concussion evaluation from the Concussion Clinic at Children's Hospital.  It looked rather like a DUI test.  Not that I have had one, but I have seen COPS in my lifetime.  The following .pdf is the mental evaluation or questionnaire that can prove very helpful to parents or coaches if you are A. on the field or B. have crappy insurance like us and afraid of a $1500 bill from Children's unless you really need it.

Remember this is only the mental evaluation and there should also be a physical evaluation as well.  According to many websites and the exam I witnessed (remember think DUI).  
You are looking for issues of balance, tremors, stability.  Stand on one leg, close your eyes, put 
your head back, now touch your index finger to your nose.  Balance on one leg eyes closed arms out.

I am NOT a doctor. Just a mom. But there is nothing worse than being on the sidelines and watching 
your child get his bell rung and wondering - how bad was it? Should he come out - stay in? Should
I go to the ER? We are told to sign a wavier before every tournament - but no one ever gave
me solid information on how to asses the situation when it happens to my child.

Good Luck. Happy Mother's Day - well as soon as sports are over.

Friday, May 6, 2016

Teaching nothing and everything

Little did I know that all those hours I spent at Mama's house were teaching me a valuable lesson. Something I think about a lot lately.  I feel like being busy is a badge of honor among my generation. Particularly woman. Dare I say it - Stay-at-home-Mom's.

I realize that I may have just raised blood pressure 110%.  I know that busy people do not want to hear that being busy is another way of numbing. Turning off all those big feelings that come creeping in when we find time to do - nothing.

My mother was the busiest. Mama was not.  She lived six houses away and I could see her back porch from ours.  I spent a lot of time going back and forth between our houses. Mama taught me doing nothing is the key to everything,

She always had time to play dolls, catch butterflies, count buttons, color a picture, teach  me how to sew, write a poem, plant flowers, and make Eggo's and ice cream for lunch.  She kept very busy and she would tell me all about it! But it never seemed to be the kind of busy that got in the way of everything else.

Monday was wash day and had been since she was on the farm. There was only two of them and I laugh now at how much work went into maybe 10 pairs of underwear, one bra, and two sets of overalls. My grandfather didn't leave those on the farm either.

Wash took all day. Because there were other must do's during the day, for example: watch Phil Donahue and listen to hog prices before Service and Music. Lunch was at noon. And nap time every afternoon. Dinner was at 4. Bedtime at 7:30 pm.

The other must do's taught me something. To make time for something that feeds your soul, something fun, something with no value to anyone but you - make time for the people you love.There are days I look at my boys and wish that Mama and Papa lived around the corner. The best I can do is try to teach them myself that sometimes doing nothing together is everything.

Sunday, May 1, 2016

Happy Easter! again....

Happy Orthodox Easter

This week's menu includes our Greek Easter celebration dessert - if you want more Greek Easter recipes let me know.  It is my favorite of Greek Holiday's with even more wonderful food!!

Menu Week of May 2nd 2016