Friday, May 29, 2009


I am playing Webkinz World again. I just received the sweetest email from a friend we call Grandma saying, "What's new Ted I am waiting! Are you still writing?"

I paralyzes me. It seems too daunting this thing that I have started, writing. Telling people was the mistake, maybe I should have keep it a secret. Thinking, writing, being funny, it's too hard! Life is crazy and messy and "I don't have time" often we say this.

I am reminded of an interview I went to in college for a nanny position. The woman interviewing me was amazing. She started hiring nannies for people after her granddaughter was born and her daughter needed someone. She had been a nurse for 20+ years at University hospital and I just remember her telling me this story.

"Darling, try not to say "I don't have time", and this is why. I do not need to work. I have never needed to work. My husband does very well, we live in a very upscale neighborhood, I work because I want to. My job as a nurse is not easy. I see people who are dying everyday. When my friends call and say, "Let's play tennis, let's have tea, we're going shopping in NY." That's when I say, I am so sorry- I do not have time. Life is to short to waste, make your mark not regrets.

It paralyzes me. It is easier to stop, quit, throw in the towel and say I DON'T HAVE TIME! What am I doing? Cleaning, watching TV, cooking, sleeping, chatting away to a girlfriend about my husband.

I am making regrets and life is too short. I've dreamed of being a writer since before I could write - ask my sister! So this may not be the most hysterically funny, moving and clever piece of work, but I'm still here Grandma....

Tuesday, May 26, 2009


I don't know how many of you have played Bunko. Hell, I don't know how many people are actually reading this blog. Could just be my mother and even that is iffy because she doesn't know how to use a computer. (What is with that generation?)

The third Thursday of every month is my night out. My only night out all month. I am alone, I am usually dressed to resemble a woman, I have adult conversations, and wine. It is bliss. This month I hosted Bunko. The night before the "Bunko girls" came (which is what my two boys call them) I was hoping to get some preparations done while my husband took over the boys. Things didn't quite work out that way. We ended up screaming the boys into bed and then screaming at each other like idiots. My husband yelling, "You get so stressed out over people coming!"

As I was huffing around in the basement trying to cool off a little I realized why that statement made me go ballistic. I wasn't all stressed out, I was excited. I love these women. Bunko is more than a dice game you can still play with Baby Brain and three Margaritas. Bunko is a life line. It is the quilting bee, the knitting club, it's the Red Tent of our generation!

I look forward to Bunko because of all the differences we bring to the table. (no pun in tended) Some of the women are now empty nesters, some are rounding the corner with kids in high school, others are still in the thick of things with Elementary and Junior High schoolers, and there is me with little ones still underfoot. We have some commonalities, but many of us are as different as night and day. Some outgoing, some reserved, some can keep score others should not, some can hold their liquor and others - well let's just be honest, I can't be trusted with either!!

There's the storyteller, she takes command of the room and weaves a tale that leaves us all in stitches. There's the sex addict that can turn the most simple comment into a sexual innuendo. She doesn't work alone though, she has a partner that helps fuel the fire. Some nights are serious because life and kids and husbands are serious business. Most nights we just eat, talk, drink, play, and laugh... a lot.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

A day in the life.......

Someone I love dearly who works Full-time has asked me, "What do you do all day? I bet you play?" Well my dear, I hope this answers some of your question....

6:30 a.m. kids wake-up, find TV and an hour or so later find mom still in bed
8:00 a.m. we eat, we dress, we go outside to find bugs-bikes-balls of any sorts
11:00 a.m. we eat, we dress, we get #1 son on bus and #2 son down for a nap
1:00 p.m. mom falls asleep on the couch after 3 minutes of Y&R and 20 minutes of cleaning
2:30 p.m. #2 son is up, finds mom, finds remote, finds PBS
3:00 p.m. mom attempts to drag herself off the couch
3:30 p.m. mom jumps off couch, flies out the front door to caught bus, false alarm - wrong bus
4:00 p.m. #1 son is home from school, we eat, we dress, we go outside
6:00 p.m. moms in the kitchen frantic to find more to feed monsters
6:15 p.m. mom stop sons from killing each other over Lego's
6:30 p.m. mom drinks the wine, skips the sauce feeds them dry chicken with butter noodles
7:00 p.m. everyone gets a bath, some in the tub, some not
7:30 p.m. mom reads 7 books, yawns 77 times, kisses two heads, three knees, and one elbow, sings four songs, changes a diaper, changes beds, fixes pillows, blankets, and fan-3 times
8:15 p.m. sons in bed with books, water, blankets and paci's, husband in kitchen looking for food
8:30 p.m. we eat, we dress, we get in bed
10:00 p.m. someone is coughing, go in and turn off fan
10:30 p.m. a thump - someone fell out of bed because it's too hot, turn on fan
12:00 a.m. a finger up moms nose, a foot to the head, #2 son in our bed
2:30 a.m. #2 son is kicking, and coughing, husband growls and leaves the bed
3:30 a.m. #1 son get in our bed, dad's snoring in his bed
5:00 a.m. husbands alarm goes off, wakes mom-no one else
5:30 a.m. mom wakes dad, rearranges children, gets 10" of mattress to myself
6:30 a.m. kids wake-up, find TV and an hour or so later find mom still in bed

Monday, May 18, 2009

Summer is upon us...

Oh the joys of summer. Longer Days, swimming pools, grill-outs, lounging at my parents house on the lake all of these things bring about wonderful thoughts of summer. But now that I've had a slight taste of freedom; i.e. several hours without children - I am dreading summer.

The most dreaded of all are the two words that sent my mother in a rage and likewise now myself - "I'm Bored!" I should be ready for this. There are thousands of websites out there devoted to things you can do with your children this summer. I need to arm myself. Be at the ready for those dreaded words with easy science experiments, math pages, and reading material. The problem with me is, that takes a lot of time, energy, and organization. I am too darn lazy.

Yes, I admit it, I will shout it. I am Lazy!! That is the kind of time commitment women make who home school their children. I am not that kind of woman. Did I mention that I have a degree in Elementary Education? My Education professors often described me as "a day late and a dollar short". That sums it up, except now it is WAY more than a dollar. Some professors where nice enough to call it "flying by the seat of my pants" whatever that means.

I know that we will make it through the summer, unfortunately there be quite a few days where the dreaded words are uttered. My plan, go to the pool and order a pizza for dinner. Pizza fixes everything.

Friday, May 15, 2009

Welcome to Kinderverse

We are going through a difficult time with our six-year old. I'm not sure what is going on in that little head of his but I can only give the full moon so much credit.

He started by telling us that all the kids where picking on him on the way to school. It was a little worrisome considering that on the way to school it is just Kindergartner's on the bus. He also mentioned the playground, but mostly it was us. "It's all your fault! All you do is yell at me and you never yell at him (being the little brother) and you call me stupid idiot."

This is where my husband and I both stopped. We looked at each other like we had been accused of waterboarding. We have NEVER called our children stupid or idiot. But we are also new to the game, this is our first six year-old. We were sucked right in. It was like a black hole opened up in the bedroom and we were transported to an alternate universe.

Welcome to Kinderverse.

As first-timers to Kinderverse we had no idea that our sweet loving child could so easily manipulate two grown adults into this world. A place where everything is dark, tragic, and someonelses fault. Where one time friends become arch enemies because they don't play the game right. Where little brothers can ruin an entire day because they ate a grape off your plate. Perhaps the worst, the most horrifying, the absolute end is the dreaded - NO. This word uttered by a parent can send the child hurtling through Kinderverse, spinning our of control, wildly off course, blindly flailing into The Fit.

This is where we have been for several weeks now. Stuck in The Fit with the six year-old who blames his every bad choice on something we did. Why was he caught walking on the roof by the neighbor? Because I put him in his room in time out. Why was he caught using a hacksaw to cut down part of a tree? Because I bump it when backing up the car. Why was he caught in a friends back yard playing without telling anyone where he was? Because we are so rude to him.

This all came to a head last night and he once again threatened us that he had a plan to run away. Taking the advice of a friend who got through Kiderverse and well as Pubertyville and Ahellescence, when he said "I'm going to run away to Africa! I have a map." I said, "I will miss you very much, don't forget the bug spray. Here is a bag, Can I help you pack it?"

Before I could get the underwear drawer open he was sobbing. He told us both he was very sorry, he loved us, and he didn't want to go to Africa until he was much older. Then he would run away and not forget the bug spray. We've had a much better day so far.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Parenthood - Pass/Fail

I love my children and my choice to stay at home with them - 85% of the time. Days like this I wish I could take the F and drop out. I'll admit failure! I suck at being a parent right now the Super Nanny would need a two-hour special.

"This week on the Super Nanny, meet a Mum whose totally lost it and children running amok."

My son is calling himself dumb, stupid, idiot, and brat. Nothing pushes a parents buttons like trying to disciple a child whose beating on his younger brother and hearing, "you love him more than you love me, all you do is yell at me, I'm going to run away."

My overly sarcastic nature makes my first reaction, "If anyone here gets to run away it's me! And don't worry about favorites neither of you are at the top of my list today." That does not come out of my mouth, but it is hanging off the end of my tongue like slobber on a bulldog.

He's got me right where he wants me, now I'm torn between punishing him and hugging him. Do I stand firm and send him to his room? Do I pull him close and tell him how sorry I am for being the worst mother in the world? The Super Nanny would be so disappointed. What about neutral corners - I'll take the one with the wine in it.

Monday, May 11, 2009

Mother's Day Mayhem

Silly me!!

As a Mother of two boys and the wife of an only child I should know better than to down play Mother's Day. Subtlety does not work. I said, "Let's do some yard work." Thinking that since it was going to be a nice day, we could all work together, enjoy being outside, and get some work done.

After making everyone breakfast and lunch, then cleaning that up and getting pasta salad ready for our friends cookout I finally sat down. What the heck is going on here! It's Mother's Day and I've spent all morning cooking, cleaning, and wiping two very runny noses because it is allergy season. Anger started boiling from a places I did not know I had. Self - I said - wait. Do not ruin the day.

So off I went to Lowes to get the top soil and flowers. By the time I left Lowes I was feeling absolutely Zen like. My mind was a glow with the beautiful colors and scents of roses in every form. The staff was more helpful than anyone in my house had been so far today and the two young men that loaded my car even said Happy Mother's Day. Floating home through a sea of sunshine in a cool breeze I felt I had recaptured the day.

Silly me!

The images from Hallmark, American Greetings, FTD, and all the others that stand to make a buck off this holiday show Mother's being showered with love. I was being showered with top soil. After hauling, dumping, spreading, and planting I didn't even shower before we went to the cookout. The kids chased the friends dog while I sipped a glass of wine. Looking in the sky I remembered a co-worker who wanted children but would never have them - Silly Me!

Mother's Day isn't about a card or a rose, it's just about being a mom. For that, I am most grateful.

Friday, May 8, 2009

Out of the mouths of Babes

One thing people always tell you, but it really doesn't register right away is that children see and hear EVERYTHING you do. Absolutely everything. And you realize it only as it is slapping you in the face - at church, in front of the neighbor, or to the pre-school teacher. Some of you moms are right now laughing so hard you've wet your pants, it's o.k. run to the bathroom, I can wait.

Getting out of the door each morning is a challenge for two of us. My oldest child and I would lay in bed for hours if given the opportunity. My youngest child has a lot more energy always ready to roll right out of bed and go for the gusto. However, please let him do it in his dirty diaper and PJ's with breakfast in his hand.

Recently I was trying to corral the boys into clothes, shoes, and clean underwear to go to the Library. This is not new, we do it every Friday morning. No one was cooperating, I was screaming, naked children kept dashing in every direction - and needless to say -I lost it. I stomped over to the garage door and said in my mommy-dearest voice, "Fine, stay here by yourselves, I am leaving." My naked 2 1/2 year-old looked at me with his hands on his hips and said, "Sewiouswly!"

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Webkinz HMO - Please!

The things that people do not tell you when you become a full-time mom is that it can be as boring as watching paint dry. We have recently acquired two Webkinz though and I have to say - what a guilty pleasure. It is just so nice to have a break from things like laundry, cleaning, and cooking to do something with your brain, even if it's just the very addictive Smoothie Moves. (if anyone can make it past level 6, I do not want to know!) What can it hurt right, you earn your child the all important and essential Kinzcash so that they can take care of their animals with out letting them spend 775 hours a week playing on the computer.

I was actually playing in Webkinz World the other day while my children were outside playing in the real world and saw that it was Hedgie's birthday. I thought this significant enough to call my son inside so that we could feed him cake and sing to him. I failed to notice that the animal was an awful shade of green, had a thermometer in his mouth, and an ice pack on his head. So when my son came in he shrieked, "Hedgie is sick!". We quickly sprung into action and took him to see Dr. Quack. Thank God they could get us in right away!

After the examination Dr. Quack informed us that it was NOT in fact the swine flu just a simple cold that needed medication, if we were willing to buy it, for 30 Kinzcash. I was so relieved that the poor animal was not going to die not to mention that we would not have to quarantine the computer for 7-10 days due to H1N1 exposure, that we bought the medicine. However it got me to thinking, 30 Kinzcash is a lot for a prescription, surely Webkinz supplies these animals with better Health care than that!