Saturday, December 16, 2017

Love note to my family....

Rethinking Marriage and Life

NPR - Fresh Air Dec 13th 2017

Have you ever heard something that literally hits you in the gut in that, "YES!" way, that "Why didn't I see that years ago!" way?

I didn't hear this whole interview I turned it on in progress and then heard something like...
Most of us will have 10 marriages in our lifetime.
Shocked I listened a little longer...
Some of us with multiple people and some of us with the same person, but as we change so does our marriage.....

I had to get out of the car as I was only going to the Post Office from my office to get stamps. But I was reeling. It was so simple. It was so true. It was something I already knew, but had never applied to my marriage.

Now, one caveat here - my husband and I are not dealing with infidelity.  But we definitely have had our UPS and downs. At times it feels like all downs but that is partly my personality to focus on the negative. (I know! working on it people)

When I was in HS and had to take the requisite Career class they said that our generation was the first of it's kind and that we would have multiple careers in our lifetime instead of just one like our parents. This was shocking to kids who's parents were mostly farmers or factory workers. Both of which only knew following their parents into lifelong footsteps.  I was different, growing up in town with two parents who had some college experience.  They expected up to go to college and maybe even leave town to pursue a dream.  The seed was planted. I could do more than one thing in life.

Years later I would even see several career changes play out in my own life, yet never had I thought to stop beating myself up for not having the perfect marriage one that was constantly loving, kind, wonderful, and full of sex.  I drank the Kool-Aid, bought the goods, listened to the almighty "they" who said marriage is easy no work needed or you are doing it all wrong.

I haven't listened to this entire interview yet so maybe the interview as a whole is not as powerful as the one minute I heard that told me to stop beating myself up for not being perfect every minute of every day. To remember that there are many amazing moments in my 22 Year (this month!) marriage and they outweigh the rest.

Happy Anniversary to the crazy Greek who has made my life a lot more exciting and beautiful than I could have ever planned.

Monday, December 11, 2017

Powerful? or Powerless

This is worth watching...
Gary Zukav with Oprah Winfrey

I am in no way trying to infringe on copyright for all 5 of my followers - just wanted you to see the picture.

Gary Zukav may not be a new name to you, or you may be asking yourself, Who is he? Among his many accomplishments is a book called The Seat of the Soul.  In this short but powerful interview, Oprah sits down with Gary to discuss his book and explain to those who don't know him what his work is all about.  It could be titled Soulwork 101.

There are many powerful moments in this interview but after being asked literally three times last week - What can I do about the current administration, I feel powerless?" I came across this on Sunday morning. It was like the Universe was saying - Here. We wrapped it up for you and sent it with Oprah. Enjoy.

What I always find so amazing and totally cool is not only that I was asked the same questions by three people in one week, but I had the same answer all three times. And it is totally in line with what Gary Zukav is saying in this interview.

True power is not in Oval Office. That is a perfect example of powerlessness.  I have trouble watching and listening to Trump speak not just because of what comes out of his mouth, but because I am an Empath and Donald Trump is a very troubled person. It oozes out of him so violently its like watching a volcano erupt. I can not watch that kind of spewing without absorbing some and that is  no more healthy than me standing 100 feet away from Pompei.

All three people asked me "What can we do about this administration?" And all three times I said this. "I don't know. However, if my thoughts become things (Mike Dooley) then I am going to continue to hold positive thoughts for the kind of world that I want to live in and know that I am not alone."

But for my sister, as well as others, who don't really want to sit in meditation asking the Universe to fix what we broke what can we do? (I just wanted to give you an awesome mental picture of me dressed in robes sitting in Lotus position waiting for the next Election.) 

I think it's time to remember that our government is securely grounded in WE the People. GO VOTE! Our township election in November something like 25% of eligible voters turned out. How can we complain about who is elected if you didn't vote? Get involved locally. Start there and work your way up.  I know that I have been saying for years "I'm not political" because politics has become such a dirty word.  They are so gross I didn't want to be associated with any of it. But the truth is I am political. I am concerned. I do listen and care and want change. I just didn't want to get involved. I was afraid to speak out for fear of what people might think. Hmmm...maybe they will think I care.

We were very clear with our children before this election that no matter the outcome - it was not the end of the world. Well, now it's time to cash that check.  It's time to speak up - Maybe even Tweet! Ok, no. No tweeting please. Real sentences for goodness sakes.

Wednesday, November 29, 2017


I caught a few minutes of news in the car yesterday on the way to work and heard about the Washington Post or NY Times trying to verify a story of a woman who was claiming sexual harassment and finding out it was all a big fat lie.

I woke up to a news alert on my phone about Matt Lauer being fired for inappropriate sexual behavior in the workplace and a very stunned and emotional Savannah Guthrie trying to explain.

My son's have asked me lately what is up with all this stuff about sex in the news - their confused about what it is that is making news? Why is it happening so much lately?

This is all so very hard to pick apart and explain and handle when you are also a victim. I am afraid to open my mouth for fear that my own past will be what comes out, not an explanation of why this is happening.

So let me take these things one at a time -
1. To any woman who would even consider lying about sexual harassment or assault. May you be tried before a jury of your peers. Just peers. Just woman. Because to many of us have been a victim of sexual assault, harassment, molestation, or abuse and you lying about it gives men the power to question all of us. Shame on you.

2. Matt Lauer. I was impressed by Savannah Guthrie's words and composure. He was a friend and a colleague and maybe she didn't ever experience anything in this realm,so she never saw this coming.  No man is exempt. Not my husband, not my son's. That is why I tell them over and over again girls are not "Hot", you don't whistle, cat call, or stare. Sex is between two people in private not in public. No means NO always. Less is more. Minds are sexy, naked is just naked.

3. Why is this happening so much lately? Well, I hope to God it isn't. I hope this is an older generation getting all of this out in the open - making strides, progress, amends. I hope that like the glass ceiling, equal rights, LGBT we are turning a new page in this chapter of humanity. We are airing out all the dirty laundry so that moving forward from here we are all kind part of the Humankind.  Humans being kind. Moving forward we are all cognoscente of the Golden Rule. Treat others the way you want to be treated, no matter how they are acting. Because as Plato said "Be kind for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." 

We are all in this together. Be kind. Less judgmental. Remember everyday that you create the world that your children will grow old in.  What do you want it to look like?

Monday, July 17, 2017

What the ?!

I woke up late.
Everyone was back in the office today and not for good reasons.
The owner decided to call a meeting 10 minutes before I was "suppose" to leave.
Checks were still not signed, bills were due, my car is full of recycling from the office because no one else will take it and the owner says "Can you run by the bank for me?".
I didn't get out of work on time and I had soccer carpool duty which now means no time for lunch.
After speeding home (in hopes that I could at least pee) I dashed right back out to pick up the other soccer kid.  We got to his house to find out he was at our house. I had the the carpool backwards.
I drove to soccer anyway.
Then I get a call that my son hurt his ankle and he is in the trainer's office and that I should pick him up in a half and hour.
That is exactly a half an hour before my scheduled carpool time.
I drove back to soccer anyway.
Meanwhile I finally get a hold of my husband who is 7 hours ahead of us because he is overseas.
But now he wants to know what is going on with our son.
Pick up son, speed back home, Viber with dad regarding the ankle situation while son downs a Gatorade and half a chicken, then try to put a soccer sock over the taped ankle, then back in the car to pick up other soccer kid.
I arrive home to the eleven year-old who has not been out of the house yet today but has played 8 hours of Xbox ,eaten a bag of BBQ potato chips, a dozen chocolate chip cookies, two Gatorades, and taken four sales calls.  He has now switched our cable and energy providers as well as purchased lawn service for a year. He hung up on the one that called him a girl.
Off to Soccer Village to pick up his new kit for this year.
Then to the store for ice, more fruit, and more Gatorade. (for the son actually working out)
Drop off the piles of recycling in my car that make me look like a very strange type of hoarder.
Back to the store because we forgot the ice.
Back to the school to pick up the soccer boys.
And I'm just thinking....I have to do this AGAIN tomorrow.
Lord help me.

Thursday, June 29, 2017

I guess they hear more than I think....

Are you like me? If the universe needed to get a message to you - it had better call you. Directly. It's pretty funny to me that right after I write this blog about how none of us listen to each other I get this message from the big U.

The other day I had a panic attack in front of my youngest son. A full blown heart pounding, chest tightening, mind screaming irrational panic attack.  I made a phone call to get some help in pulling it together as quickly as possible but told him over and over, "I'm sorry that I'm losing it in front of you."

After I got off the phone I just sat for a minute with my head in my hands and my son come over and just sat next to me. He put his arm around me. He cried a little, He said I hate to see you this way mom.  I pulled him in for a hug and said I'm sorry again when he looked at me and said - 

"Mom, stop saying your sorry. It's ok. We all have worries, I have them, you know that. It's totally reasonable. You know that everyone is OK and I'm here for you."  When my older son came down and saw us he said immediately - "What's wrong? Are you OK mom?"

They proceeded to take care of me for the rest of the night. Making sure I had a glass of water, did I want anything to eat, they took a walk with me and chatted the entire time (well, in all honesty they would have chatted the whole time anyway) When we got back they made sure I had a blanket and got my kindle.

Like being hit in the head with a soccer ball when you are not looking, I realized that they didn't learn to take care of me out of the blue. They do listen. And watch. They are paying attention even when I am not.

I have two amazing young men, and I am a part of that as they are a part of me. One more thing to put on my Awesome list.