Tuesday, April 30, 2013

right in my backyard

Mondays are crazy for me.  My list is always a mile long so my first stop is the gym.  I got there and picked my favorite treadmill right in front of the Today show only to find it wasn't the today show.  The local news was on and reporting live from a local high school where the students where under a shelter in place due to a shooting.

My heart sank, no it stopped for just a second.  Please God, I found myself pleading, not here, not now.  Please God, no more!

It turned out a young man tried to commit suicide.  I didn't listen to anymore TV.  A friend came in and we talked.  We talked about our hopes and fears for the young man, his family, for our own children.  We talked about how we had both considered suicide in high school at points because it had to better than going on.

When I left the gym I went to have coffee with a friend from college.  The conversation of course drifted to the young man and what was transpiring just miles away.  I was recounting my earlier conversation and how I had felt the same way in high school.  My friend gasped....is it that bad?  We moved on in conversation, but it made me wonder, Is suicide something some people never consider?

I sang a song from South Pacific for a college audition called The Cockeyed Optimist...

When the skies are brighter canary yellow
I forget ev'ry cloud I've ever seen,
So they called me a cockeyed optimist
Immature and incurably green.

I have heard people rant and rave and bellow
That we're done and we might as well be dead,
But I'm only a cockeyed optimist
And I can't get it into my head.

I hear the human race
Is fallin' on its face
And hasn't very far to go,
But ev'ry whippoorwill
Is sellin' me a bill,
And tellin' me it just ain't so.

I could say life is just a bowl of Jello
And appear more intelligent and smart,
But I'm stuck like a dope
With a thing called hope,
And I can't get it out of my heart!
Not this heart...

I didn't believe the song nor understand it at 21.  I was still immature and incurably green.  I let the rant and rave and bellow get so loud I couldn't hear the whipporwill.  I was the human race and I was falling on my face.....after too many Jello shots and dope.

But if I have learned anything at all from South Pacific, from life, and from my grandmother it was that "This too shall pass".  That the people you thought had it all in high school will come back to the 20th reunion bald, fat, and unemployed living in their parents basement.  (and that's just the homecoming queen!)

Police and media are Thankfully not releasing the name of the boy who shot himself on Monday.  To his family - I will hold you all in my prayers.

Friday, April 19, 2013

Something funny - finally.

I can hear you all now - THANK GOODNESS!!
It's about time she cheer up we were going to send in the Prozac.

Yeah, well, I tried that too.  Long story. Anyway time to get back to the good stuff.  My screw-ups.

My ten year-old son is getting ready to start the Health Lesson on Puberty.  I think he has secretly waited all year for this.  There is an air of curiosity and anxiety around it now that it's here.  The good thing is he feels comfortable enough to ask me questions about it, the bad part is my answers suck.

The other night I went to tuck him in and say good night but he had questions.  Ok. The conversation turns to why? Gee, I wonder where he gets that? Why do we have hormones, why does he need them, what are they really going to do to him?

So not being prepared for these questions has never stopped this motor mouth mother before so I dive right in. Well everyone has hormones. They are around from our caveman days and we need them for our Flight or Fight response so that we could get away from the saber tooth tigers that wanted to eat us.  The hormones that you are going to talk about are the ones that are kicking in because cavemen were lucky to get to live to 25 maybe 30 years old.  So if they were still alive by age 10 their bodies started to change, their voice got deeper, they grew more hair everywhere.  They moved into manhood ready to fight the saber tooth tigers.

My son just stared at me blankly.  Ok. Well confusion works too at least I can watch the full episode of Modern Family.  Then he responds with, "Mom I know what all of this is really about. S-E-X."

Oh @$^)*! The kid is way smarter than me.  But I'm already in deep, so I stick with my story.  I told him he was right, this did have something to do with sex.  You see, for those of the rest of you that did not get the caveman talk from your parents listen closely you might learn something.

I explained that the caveman, who were lucky enough to make it through childhood and even get to puberty, were then even more lucky to make it to manhood.  So after their voice changed, and they grew hair all over their bodies, they had another surge of hormones.  This time it was to tell their bodies it was time to reproduce because they may not have a lot of time before that saber tooth tiger eats them.  I told him that during this time his body, which still thinks he is a caveman would  be telling him to have sex all the time.  But he had to tell his body - No.  I'm not a caveman I have plenty of time to reproduce because I won't be eaten by a saber tooth tiger.

My son still looking at me blankly says, "I mean they are separating us for the lesson mom by S-E-X.  Boys versus Girls."

Ok. Glad that went well. By the way, anyone know anything about the birds or bees? I didn't know they studied that in 4th grade too?

I'm the @ss....

Someone is messing with my son's teacher.  I love this woman.  She is a great teacher and has been so good to my son that I am quite protective.  A little too protective. And na├»ve. And talkative.

She sent me an email today asking me to stop talking about the situation.  She's right!! I'm the idiot that can not fathom this parent trying to start trouble with her, so what do I do? Keep saying to people "Do you know what some parent is doing to this wonderful teacher?!"

Why am I always so taken back with complexity of human nature? I live with all boys for goodness sakes.  Boys that will pull dirty clothes out of their hamper and actually smell them - like it makes a difference - then put them on.  Boys that would rather sit and pee their pants then put Super Mario on pause to go to the bathroom.  Boys that will put a dish in the sick rather than a dishwasher, put an empty carton back in the fridge, or walk out of a bathroom instead of grab a roll of toilet paper.

Have I lived among them for so long that I am becoming one of them? Or am I just plan stupid?  I use the term Socially Retarded, and I do not mean it offensively at all, I mean it literally.  That in the area of overall social skills I am lacking in many areas.  That's why this teacher had to say -  SHUT UP LADY!

It never dawned on me that I was doing exactly what the other parent was doing - talking about this teacher.  I was so outraged that a parent was trying to start a rumor about this teacher  - how dare they!  But what did I accomplish by talking about the parent trying to start trouble?  Nothing, but I guess I was looking for the person who had the answer.  It's not a good enough excuse.

Why do people start rumors? Why do people intentionally hurt others? Why do people blow up marathons runners? Why do they kill a classroom of innocent First graders? Why do they start wars? Fly Planes into buildings? WHY?

Perhaps I will never know why, but I do know that I'm the ass for trying to make sense of it at all.  Now it's time to shut-up.

Saturday, April 13, 2013

I give up

I am so over all the testosterone in this house.

That's it.  There is nothing else to say.

I no longer feel it is possible to nurture out the nature.  Boys will be boys and then they will be men.  No amount of screaming on my part will make them stop posturing for the alpha position.  Nothing I do will make them less - male.

I give up.

OK, we all know that what I will really do is be up till 3 a.m. scouring the Internet for the article, website, or idea that will make turn this family around.

Is there any hope for a mom of all boys...........