Thursday, June 29, 2017

I guess they hear more than I think....

Are you like me? If the universe needed to get a message to you - it had better call you. Directly. It's pretty funny to me that right after I write this blog about how none of us listen to each other I get this message from the big U.

The other day I had a panic attack in front of my youngest son. A full blown heart pounding, chest tightening, mind screaming irrational panic attack.  I made a phone call to get some help in pulling it together as quickly as possible but told him over and over, "I'm sorry that I'm losing it in front of you."

After I got off the phone I just sat for a minute with my head in my hands and my son come over and just sat next to me. He put his arm around me. He cried a little, He said I hate to see you this way mom.  I pulled him in for a hug and said I'm sorry again when he looked at me and said - 

"Mom, stop saying your sorry. It's ok. We all have worries, I have them, you know that. It's totally reasonable. You know that everyone is OK and I'm here for you."  When my older son came down and saw us he said immediately - "What's wrong? Are you OK mom?"

They proceeded to take care of me for the rest of the night. Making sure I had a glass of water, did I want anything to eat, they took a walk with me and chatted the entire time (well, in all honesty they would have chatted the whole time anyway) When we got back they made sure I had a blanket and got my kindle.

Like being hit in the head with a soccer ball when you are not looking, I realized that they didn't learn to take care of me out of the blue. They do listen. And watch. They are paying attention even when I am not.

I have two amazing young men, and I am a part of that as they are a part of me. One more thing to put on my Awesome list.

Sunday, June 25, 2017

You never listen to me!!

The five words I think I hear 55 times a day, I swear to you. Everyone is constantly screaming at each other - YOU NEVER LISTEN TO ME!

It made me wonder....are we listening? Have I taught my children how to listen actively? Do I model that behavior?  Am I so preoccupied with my lists and my chores and my crazy that I am not really listening....

My husband and I took a walk this morning because he is beyond frustrated with both boys but especially our oldest son. Number one son will be trying out for the HS soccer team in a month and he will have to meet certain criteria to even get to the tryout. Like running two miles in under 12 minutes, and getting a certain score on the Pacer and 300 tests. (I think, don't quote me on this because I am the sports dumbo)  He has been asking my son how he can help him get ready - remember, my husband is a personal trainer and gets paid to train other kids for these EXACT tests. My son's response has been to ignore his father completely and do as little as possible.

He was livid this morning and venting about it using words like "lazy" and sayings things like "that's just who he is" and "It pisses me off!!"  That is where our conversation went downhill.
When he got all done I asked him, "Do you have a right to be pissed off?"
I didn't say it was a good question...but my point to him was who's Ego is taking over when you have asked if he wants help, he ignores you and you ask again, and again, and again?
This is when he blew up, "What right?! I am his father - it is my job! I know what he needs to do"

I should have stopped - but I tried to persist just a little. "But what if it's not what he wants? Or what if he needs to fail in order to learn this lesson all on his own?"

I think his head exploded slightly.
Very long and loud story short....he didn't hear a word I said. He railed on the boys and their bad decisions and crappy behavior and laziness and my tolerating all of it.

So I am not even sure what my point was in writing this and there is no going back because I have literally been interrupted 25 times.  If my husband is not screaming the kids are if the kids are not screaming then I am - everyone is being a total A-Hole and no one is listening but the neighbors


Saturday, June 17, 2017

Happiness is in your genes...not your pocket

Being a life-long Anxietyoholic I have wondered for a long time if I was just not hard wired for happiness.  To be honest being happy just seemed so much harder for me than most people that I swore that it was ONE MORE thing that is genetically wrong with me.

And it turns out I might be right! Not that I really want to be a mutant on the wrong side of the Justice League.  I watched enough Saturday morning TV in the 70's and 80's thank you! I liked Wonder Woman but the Wonder Twins - ACTIVATE! Form of Iceberg - Shape of Eagle. How the hell that eagle ever carried the iceberg never dawned on me but I digress.

Happiness is in your genes. This year at the Hay House Summit there were amazing speakers bring the science of happiness to life. It was all the validation I needed to understand that like my Anxiety disorder, my happiness disorder may present a challenge, but it does not mean that I am doomed to a life of depression. I just have to work harder than most people to reprogram the pre-installed hardware.

This only ever really disturbs me when I see my children suffering. Watching them struggle with anxiety, social situations, speaking up for themselves, motivation, success.....BUT it's all good! I may  be anxious but it's not necessarily because I am defective.  I have a different set of genes and a different set of super powers.  The science is fascinating and this will be my first cross over blog between my two blogs - whatnow-ted and Anxietyoholic.  The first of many.
Enjoy.     Anxietyoholic - Wordpress

The Happiness Project - Robert Holden

Inspiring Science - David Hamilton