Friday, May 15, 2009

Welcome to Kinderverse

We are going through a difficult time with our six-year old. I'm not sure what is going on in that little head of his but I can only give the full moon so much credit.

He started by telling us that all the kids where picking on him on the way to school. It was a little worrisome considering that on the way to school it is just Kindergartner's on the bus. He also mentioned the playground, but mostly it was us. "It's all your fault! All you do is yell at me and you never yell at him (being the little brother) and you call me stupid idiot."

This is where my husband and I both stopped. We looked at each other like we had been accused of waterboarding. We have NEVER called our children stupid or idiot. But we are also new to the game, this is our first six year-old. We were sucked right in. It was like a black hole opened up in the bedroom and we were transported to an alternate universe.

Welcome to Kinderverse.

As first-timers to Kinderverse we had no idea that our sweet loving child could so easily manipulate two grown adults into this world. A place where everything is dark, tragic, and someonelses fault. Where one time friends become arch enemies because they don't play the game right. Where little brothers can ruin an entire day because they ate a grape off your plate. Perhaps the worst, the most horrifying, the absolute end is the dreaded - NO. This word uttered by a parent can send the child hurtling through Kinderverse, spinning our of control, wildly off course, blindly flailing into The Fit.

This is where we have been for several weeks now. Stuck in The Fit with the six year-old who blames his every bad choice on something we did. Why was he caught walking on the roof by the neighbor? Because I put him in his room in time out. Why was he caught using a hacksaw to cut down part of a tree? Because I bump it when backing up the car. Why was he caught in a friends back yard playing without telling anyone where he was? Because we are so rude to him.

This all came to a head last night and he once again threatened us that he had a plan to run away. Taking the advice of a friend who got through Kiderverse and well as Pubertyville and Ahellescence, when he said "I'm going to run away to Africa! I have a map." I said, "I will miss you very much, don't forget the bug spray. Here is a bag, Can I help you pack it?"

Before I could get the underwear drawer open he was sobbing. He told us both he was very sorry, he loved us, and he didn't want to go to Africa until he was much older. Then he would run away and not forget the bug spray. We've had a much better day so far.

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