Monday, May 30, 2016
I'm sorry for your loss, but......
It's crazy to think the last time I even sat down to write anything was Mother's day. (I think I might have sent that from my phone while ruminating over another possible concussion)
Soccer takes over our lives in May. This week we will endure soccer tryouts, an event that I despise, and wrap up the 2015-2016 soccer season. We officially finished our regular season after heading to the "Big Dance" for U13 soccer. President's Cup. The boys made it to the Quarterfinals!! WooWhoo!
They lost the first game Saturday morning, but I can not tell you how proud I am. If you saw this team in the fall you would be too. They have come a long way and each player has grown so much this year it's amazing to watch.
After the loss, we had a two and a half hour drive home. I was begging the soccer gods to make my husband mute. Praying that he would not start as soon as we got in the car "Well if you hustled a little more, stepped up to the ball, that last goal...."
I've learned to shut-up and listen. After a loss when the boys would get in the car and start in on "The ref's sucked! No one played defense - I can't play two positions, the goalie didn't..." I would get mad thinking - #1 Don't you be THAT kid! and #2 Just wait a darn minute- there is no I in Team it says so on that motivational picture on every office wall since the late 80's. And #3 no it's rarely the ref's fault.
The next thing you know we were all mad and after screaming at each other we would ride home in silence. My heart would hurt. My brain would be racing a mile a minute about how to fix this. Until on day I kept my mouth shut. I said, I'm sorry. I maybe added, that does suck. I hate it when that happens. But mostly just, I'm sorry.
Somewhere in the last 13 years it finally dawned on me that my kids just need time to grieve. Duh! I know it's just a soccer game - so do they. When I just shut-up and let them have 5 minutes to vent and I acknowledge their loss they bounce back a lot quicker.
We have all suffered the loss of a loved one. What if after that loved one passed away at the funeral people came through line and said to you "I am so sorry for your loss, but if he wasn't an alcoholic he might have lived longer. You know you could have done a little more about getting him to stop drinking. Well, anyway - good effort, you tried, better luck next time."
Please so not repost on Facebook as the insane mom who thinks each soccer game should be mourned as a tragic loss. Just using an example we can all relate to-but let's face it people, when we were kids very few of us ever heard of select sports let alone were in a tournament at nine years-old.
What I am saying is I personally struggle with what to say to my sons after a loss, especially after they make it to the Big Dance and lose their first game, just as I struggle to find the words to comfort anyone grieving or hurting. So I've learned to just say,,,,,, I'm sorry.