I'm not ready for High School....again!

From Parenthood the movie...

Helen: It sounds like a boy Garry's age needs a man around the house.

Tod: Well, it depends on the man. I had a man around. He used to wake me up every morning by flicking lit cigarettes at my head. He'd say, "Hey, asshole, get up and make me breakfast." You know, Mrs. Buckman, you need a license to buy a dog, or drive a car. Hell, you need a license to catch a fish! But they'll let any butt-reaming asshole be a father.

thanks to IMDb

Just because almost all of us had parent's doesn't mean we learned how to be a parent. And just because I was a Middle School kid once - doesn't mean I understand what my middle school kid is going through now.

This became very clear in the past two years.  I finally asked a professional last week what to do about my 13 year-old son. I said I feel like I'm struggling to get through to him, to motivate him. I feel like he is in such a negative place and I want to help him see it won't last forever. This wonderful woman asked me to give her an example. Which I gladly did. To which she replied. "UGH."

Yes. Ugh. Then silence. I know I'm screwing up, that's why I was asking a professional. I may not know beans about the brain of thirteen year-old boys but I do know when to ask for help. Thank goodness she did not hold back. This is a woman who spent 20 years working with youth in the Juvenile court system. She said bluntly, "You need to stop talking and start listening. Really listening. That's all he wants."

I wasn't hurt or mad and to be honest I wasn't surprised. I get tired of hearing my own voice. Active listening is not a new concept to me, it's just so darn hard! It takes a lot of effort, work, and patience. It also requires a lot of letting go. (Something I am not known for) In order to be a really good listener you have to let go of your own agenda and more important your ego. (ouch) That's the tough one. That's also one of the keys of a good parent, knowing when to let go of what you want and do what's best for your child.

My almost fourteen year-old son and I are heading down the road to High School.  To be perfectly honest I have been just as terrified of high school as I was of middle school, but I know it's because I hated both. I know in my heart that I need to separate myself and my experiences from my son. it's just hard.

I feel fortunate to be in a great school district right now.  Last weekend was Jazzfest and I met the High School Band Director who already knows my son (how cool is that!) and had wonderful things to say about him,  He promised me that my son could play sports and be in the band. He said he makes sure if it because he believes so strongly that this should be the best time of their lives.

Maybe I can breathe. Maybe I can let go a little bit. Maybe there is a universe out there where kids actually have a great time in High School and he knows where that worm hole is.....maybe.

Maybe I can breathe. Maybe I can let go a little bit. Maybe there is a universe out there where Mom's actually do a few right things raising their teenagers and I've stumbled on the worm hole....maybe?

(I'll let you know)

Women's March Saturday January 21, 2017

Yesterday Trump made history, and today women will. With numbers that may top the Suffrage movement and Roe vs. Wade women will gather around the world to stand together for a cause.

I almost went to DC. I am still ready to jump in my mini-van and head downtown. Something is still holding me back.

I'm not interested in protesting. 

Let's stop fighting - and start fixing. Let's stop hurting  - and start healing. Let's stop dividing each other into groups and stand together because

 Sisters - I've got your back!

I've been online looking at information as well as listening and reading interviews. The one thing that is stopping me is that word - Protest. 

I'm new to this idea of speaking up. When people get vehement about Right to Life instead of saying what I believe I get quiet, hope they shut up quickly and change the subject.  When people start talking about how they don't want "those" people in their bathrooms I smile politely and walk away.

I don't want to fight with you! I would love to have a respectful discussion regarding your beliefs as well as my own.  I would love to learn from you if you are willing to learn from me - because I believe we all have something unique to share.

I'm just finding my voice. I'm still very easily overpowered by the yellers, the demanders, and the haters.  The people that you know are not listening to you because you can not get a word in edgewise, or they let you start a sentence and then start talking over you, or they just keep repeating a insult over and over while you talk. That is why a March - a Rally - a Stand is very appealing to me.

I don't need to yell or scream to be heard. I don't need to break things or people to be felt. I don't need to paint signs or my face to be seen.

No - I didn't get to DC - No I won't make it downtown today. But Yes - Sister Women. I stand with you today in the cause that Michelle Obama has stated over and over so eloquently - stick together. There is power in numbers but there is bigger power in women in numbers.  We have the power and it is time to use it.

I promise to use my voice Sister Women. I promise to use my voice when they put provisions on the ballot to change bathroom rules. I promise to use my voice when they want to elect someone who believes we should overturn Roe vs. Wade. I promise to use my voice when I choose what news to watch, what channel to listen to, or what products to buy. and I promise Sisters, I promise to use my voice every time another sister says that women's rights don't matter by calling a rapist the real victim, a hater just a christian who's morally right, and a chooser a murderer.

That is my promise - but I want to know that I am not alone. I want to know that you have my back. I don't want to protest sister  - I want to fight fear with love. I want to fight hate with hope. I want to fight division with deserving.  I want to stand together with you in shear numbers and let the world know - The Women Are Here!!!

A Little Chicken of the 80's

If you know me and all three of you who read my blog do, you know that I have never been much of a news person. Having a panic disorder was probably a huge part of it. I can't watch the news without reacting much like Chicken Little.

Excellent movie by the way. TOTALLY me. I have trouble getting through a good day without fear of the sky falling let alone listening to the news.

But is it really News anymore? My problem is that my first two years of college when I worked at the University Newspaper and took some journalism courses the mantra was report the facts unbiased, fairly, and from all angles. I don't feel like that is what the news is all about anymore.

It's all about sides. It's all about Us against Them. It's all about the popular kids starting a fight and then sitting back and laughing their asses off while us nerds tear each other apart.

WHAT IS UP WITH THAT? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE! Didn't you learn anything from the 80's?? John Hughes is soooo disappointed.

For my children's sake, for my sake, for humanity's goodness sake I am begging us all. 

Just Say No. Stop the Madness. Turn it off you'll ruin your ears.

We created this mess. We partied all night, wanted our MTV, and girls just wanted to have fun. But Frankie says Relax. Take a chill pill.  It's OK to grow up and change your mind just remember Goonies never say die.

Life moves pretty fast, if you don't stop to look around one in a while, you could miss it. So turn off the news! Get out of the corner, Baby. Say, Hasta La Vista to the news and say Good Morning Vietnam or Cleveland or wherever you are. Don't turn the news back on until they can Make Your Day! literally

Don't let real life pass you by while you are glued to the Boob Tube. Get outside and do something Rad. Tubular. Rock'in. So instead of watching the news today bust out that old Boombox, fill that sucker with D batteries, put in that Perter Gabriel cassette on full volume, and hold it up high! It's time to take our lives back and tell the news media

It's January

There are certain things I can count on in January: gray days, too many people at the gym, unsolicited health advice everywhere, and hope.

Have you ever noticed that no matter what is going on in your life there is usually a glimmer of hope in January. It's like the year is a blank notebook lying in front of you with all the potential in the universe. Amazing drawings, perfect poems, clever menus, and clear calendars. It's all there.

What happens? Suddenly it's April and you think, OK no biggie. It's only on 4 I still have plenty of time. But before you know it summer is here and then gone and then it just feels like - Hold the notebook above the rising water and get to the other side....I can try again next year.

I was watching the Ellen DeGeneres Show I think January 2 when we were all still off reality. She asked her audience about resolutions and not many people responded. Probably not good for her next bit but she choose a women in the front and asked what her resolution was - it was lose weight. Ellen said "Why did you wait till January? Shouldn't you have made that resolution in November before you ate all that crap?"

She's right! Why do we feel like January is the only hopeful month of the year? Because it's number 1? Considering I'm more of a C average student I'm thinking July is just about when I'm hitting my stride. Why not make resolutions then?

Last year we started daily resolutions and our goal was 365 - and we got to July. Funny Huh, if you follow my logic I got an A on that assignment because I didn't wait until July to start I got up to July! Woohoo,

It's January - and it will be gray for the next two months, the gym will be overcrowded until all those people finally give up, and I will continue to get healthy advice from my financial advisor to my mechanic. But I also have hope.

Here's to July!

Forever Ours

Quincy - Forever Ours
Even for the little while, you were small but mighty.
The squirrels are all yours now girl - go gett'um

This was the second December in a row we had a terribly hard decision to make. Our beautiful dog Quincy was suffering greatly from bad disks in her back. Last Christmas we literally had hours to make a decision about whether to spend $4000 on surgery or $300 to put her down.

We choose the surgery, and the bills, and the care, and our beautiful dog. And we were so glad that we did. She recovered quickly and we took it easy but come Spring time she was ready, itching, and raring to go. And she did!!

But we noticed in November the signs we may have missed the last time warning that there was  an impending problem. We immediately took her to the vet. We tried several rounds of steroids and kenneling. She responded pretty well the first round, but still seemed to be in pain. The second and the third time just seemed to be putting a band-aid on broken back.

She was suffering, she was in pain, she wasn't living a life any of us would want for someone we love. It was the hardest decision we have ever had to make.  And yesterday was the hardest thing I hope I have ever done.

But I'm a new person, right? 4.0! Not the 70's me, or especially the 80's me (not a good version- too much hair), or even enlightened 90's me. This is 4.0, Well 4.5 actually but stop counting!

Only yesterday I wasn't. Yesterday ripped away all the hard work I've done to change my feelings, beliefs, reactions. Yesterday I was stripped down to the DOS version and left to function.  I was left confused, stunned, helpless to make sense of anything. And scared. So scared. The only familiar part of the DOS version is the panic. I'm in panic mode.

I've been lying awake most of the night asking Why? Why? What if? and begging for help. And this last time that I was jolted awake I didn't hear Why? I heard Because - It's time you put your money where your mouth is. It's time to walk the walk. Your faith is being tested....and you are trying to fail.

I asked for Angels - am I being guided by Steve Jobs? "Back out of DOS - you have Windows 10 fool. Use it! Look at the technology that I have created, for goodness sake you have iOS 8 on your phone. Don't go backwards kiddo, don't look back. Remember your goal,"

Remember my goal.

Yesterday was a test of faith, and I am trying to fail. I do not accept failure anymore, because I know that I do not have to. I am bigger, badder, and stronger and I worked too damn hard for it. I fought kicking and screaming for those changes in each version.  And 4.0 was the baddest. I said hearing you have Cancer was no big deal, and physically it wasn't - but mentally it was hell. Waking up in the middle of the night questioning everything I thought about death.

Today is a test of faith. Everyday is a test of faith - just not on this level. And I wasn't doing quality testing. I was getting lazy.  Well, as my Angel guide Steve Jobs would say:

"Sometimes when you innovate, you make mistakes. It is best to admit them quickly, and get on with improving your other innovations."

Well then, time to get on improving on Me 4.6. Goodness knows I need to be ready in time for Christmas.

Put a little Hope in your life....

Every morning I get a note from the Universe. OK. Well, it's not actually the Universe and I received them for probably three years before I met the man who writes them. In that three years, you don't know how many times the message in that email was so on target, so fitting, hit the nail so hard that I would SWEAR he was in my head.

But before I met him, he was The Universe.  Meeting him made all the difference. I almost stopped getting them I was so disappointed. He's just a guy. A nerd. He could be me! I so wasn't looking for me. I was looking for greatness, for inspiration, for hope.

I know that there are still a lot of people reeling from the election. There was one common thread among all of us that no one but Trump picked up on, hope.  Hope. It's that simple. Lower middle class, upper middle class, middle middle class - the majority of this country. What are all of these people looking for besides the winning Powerball numbers?!

Hope

How is it that so many people have lost hope, faith, trust, confidence, and inspiration that a message so devoid of substance but filled with hatred resonated?  Why is it so hard for all the "experts" to figure out?

I was in the car with my two boys the other day. Usually one of them quickly changes the radio station from NPR but today they stopped for a moment.  We all listened to the news regarding the Referendum vote in Italy. They asked questions and I explained what I knew about the situation.

Then my ten-year-old said, " Mom. They are always telling us at school that we need to work together. We have to do projects and assignments and choose new partners so we learn to work together. Didn't any of these world leaders learn to work together? Because every time we talk about politics it seems like no one is working together to solve these problems."

So simple, yet so hard. When did we decide that we were all in this alone, fighting for the only spot at the table? When did we all lose hope that there are more than enough spots, if we all work together?

It is my Hope this Holiday season that for at least for one day - everyone can put aside fear, hate, and hopelessness. That they can turn off all media especially social and connect in a real, human, and vulnerable way to those around them. To look, listen, and feel. Really feel with our hearts. Maybe then we can make a real connection that can impact and inspire, connect and conquer.

There is more that makes us the same then makes us different.  There is more that unites us then divides us. There is more greatness among us and inside us and more hope then we realize.