Thursday, January 26, 2012

Parenting Philosophies

I am getting ready to watch Parenthood, thinking about how grateful I am that not only is the show on network television but that it is on during this time in my life.  It is so well written and even more well acted and I appreciate how true to life they have stayed.  Unlike the so-called "reality" shows and some dramas that start off well then fall in the Desperate Housewives funk (Grey's Anatomy).

It started me thinking about my own parenting, or tonight my lack there of, and the philosophies that I have formed while on this journey.  I love that we can call everything a journey now.  Weight loss, parenthood, drug abuse, losing your mind, all a journey. Some a lot more fun than others, like, never mind I digress...severely.

Here are some of my parenting philosophies:

Children can not grow and be sane at the same time.

This applies to growing 1/2 and inch as well as learning to sit on the potty.  Has anyone else noticed that the moment life seems to be good, you really feel like you are cruising along just fine, maybe even telling yourself what a good job you are doing raising the child- BAM!  Out of the blue the child decides to cuss at grandma, pee in a potted plant at church, and scream "You are not my mommy" at you all the way down the milk aisle in the store.  It's taken me a while, but now before the cashier can hit social services on her speed dial all I say is, he's going through a growth spurt.  The sigh is audible above the the sirens.

Children will do the exact opposite of what you ask them to do, unless you ask them to do the opposite.

This one sounds tricky, but it's not.  If you see the fight brewing and you know that the five-year-old is about to retaliate by hurling the Lego ARC-170 that took the 8 year-old (and you unfortunately) seven hours to build and you scream "DON'T DO IT!" you are guaranteed it will hit the floor before the words finish coming out of your mouth.  However, trying to apply reverse psychology to the child that asks for another cookie for the 15th time, "You know what honey, eat what ever you want", will reduce cause said child to lie on the kitchen floor screaming that you don't love him.

Children can smell fear.

It's like dogs or horses or both, Trust me!

Children will be perfectly healthy until midnight.

It didn't take long to figure this one out.  Had I actually listened to my Aunt who was a nurse for 25 years I might have understood that children have the innate ability to spike a fever, cough up a lung, or break out in a weird rash only after both you and the Doctor have finally fallen asleep.  So keep that wonderful amazing most kind Aunt on speed dial - or bring a book because the ER takes forever and the child will get well again as soon as you walk in.

Children do get hyper after eating sugar.

And toast, an apple, even Cheerios.  Just feeding them gets that blood sugar back up to warp speed so be ready, Scottie!

Children will repeat everything you say only at the exact inappropriate time.

We are all guilty.  We are so angry at {insert name here} that we turn Ralph's World a little louder and think we're talking quietly on the cell phone until we get to the play date and someone asks, "How are you?" and your child replies, "She's pissed."

Children will amaze and astound you at least once a day -if you watch for it.

When all is said and done, I have the best job in the world.  These are truly amazing creatures and I am blessed to watch them grow.  It is so cool to watch them go from sitting to walking to talking to reading to telling me how to fix the computer.  It's incredibly hard to watch the fighting and crying and struggling and failing, but I also get to watch how that makes them stronger the next time around.  It is not the easiest job that I've ever had, but I hear grand kids make up for a lot.

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