Thursday, October 31, 2013

Vulnerability def. (Spoiler Alert!! this one is deep)

My sister recently introduced me to Brene Brown and after watching her TED talk I had to look up her website.  She is real and honest and self-deprecating - I love that and she was partnering with Oprah for an eCourse in art journaling and her book The Gifts of Imperfection.  Yes! This is just what I need.

My neighbor and I eagerly signed-up both committed to make more "me" time and excited for a good reason to bust out all our art supplies and organizational tools we hoard.  I mean own, I mean have just lying around the house. Whatever!

I will not re-quote the whole book or go into a lot of detail but she is a shame researcher who after 10 years of collecting this data and a non-breakdown but spiritual awakening she was inspired to write about how to live a wholehearted life.  Her main point is embracing our vulnerability.  So you can imagine my reaction to that.....HAHAHAHA, I got this!

I mean have you read my blog? There is not much I'm not willing to throw out there. Anxiety disorder, parenting screw-ups, general hot mess.  Vulnerability is my middle name.

Because she is big on definitions I decided to make sure that I had the definition.

 vul·ner·a·ble: open to moral attack, criticism, judgment, etc

Want to clear a room faster than a Vegetarian after dinner? Tell them your having a panic attack. Or explain why you chant STFU while your son screams and bangs his head against the wall because he doesn't want to wear pants to school.  Or show up to the Kindergarten sing 15 minutes late - with the toddler who doesn't want to be wearing pants.
You get the idea.  Anyway I was thinking that I had this course Aced already.  Not that we are being graded or that I have to get an A, but that's a whole nother blog. But as I read and thought and tried to feel what she is saying - wholeheartedly - I realize I have missed the point completely.
This is not a vulnerability contest.  Being the most vulnerable doesn't get you the A! (Darnit!) It gets you here...where I am.  Searching for answers, friends, love, approval.   Not that we all don't want those things but those of us with excruciating vulnerability are desperate.
Why? Brene writes..."I didn't want my level of self-love to limit how much I can love my children or my husband. Because loving them and accepting their imperfections is much easier..." than loving myself.  Exactly! I don't think you can be excruciatingly vulnerable and feel too darn good about yourself.
"Practising self-love means learning how to trust ourselves, to treat ourselves with respect, and to be kind and affectionate toward ourselves."  So in others words, we can't give what we don't have.
I told you this was deep....will that get me an A?
Brene Brown's TED talk

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