Saturday, December 14, 2013

I got my Do-over...sort of

I remember having a conversation with my Aunt before we had children.  She and my uncle had waited 10 years to have kids and my husband and I were on that track.  Not because we didn't want children, we both had our issues.

The first time she asked what was holding me back I gave my standard smart-ass answer of: "The government has analyzed our DNA and asked us not to reproduce." She wasn't buying. She was patient and kind and asked until I really had to analyze what was holding me back. I finally blurted out, "Because I am afraid they will turn out just like me!"

With absolute love and sincerity she said to me, "I think that would be wonderful! You are an amazing person."  Well, it's obvious I didn't feel the same. I don't think I was quite convinced until, well maybe today.

My youngest who is mostly like his dad in personality, but I think has my anxiety disorder has had a rough week.  The school has been dealing with A.L.I.C.E Training all week.  This is teaching children to fight or evade an armed gunman.  While most of us cringe it is obvious that it is a necessity.

He has been "sick" all week, in my bed every night, and determined not to go to school.  I talked with the teacher and the principal and when the day of the drill arrived I ended up not only taking him to school but walking him inside.

As fate would have it his teacher was in the office.  She came over and asked why he was at school so early.  He just put his little head down and I said, "He's still a little worried about the drill." What are you worried about? she asked.  So he says, "Well, You said the drill is at 10 o'clock. That just doesn't work for me."

The woman's eyes filled up with tears, she turned her head wiped them away and then calmly said to him "Ok. Here's the good thing about it being at 10, we get it over with and then we have all day to do fun stuff. Do you want to see what we are going to do today? Would you like to come to the classroom and help me set it up?"

That's all it took. He gave me a hug and I whispered in his ear "You are SO brave! I love you."
(then went out tot he car and cried)

I emailed her later to thank her for taking such great care of my son and the impressive amount of restraint she showed not busting out laughing.  Her email back was cute. "I swear that boy is a 70 year-old woman trapped in a little boys body. Boy will I have stories to tell after today."

OMG. When we were first married I used to tell my husband all the time that he was a naggy old wash woman.  I swore that in his past life he was a cranky old lady that sat at the river all day beating clothes on a rock.

It hit me this morning in the shower.  We got a Do Over!! My husband and I got a Do Over.
Our Children.

Our children may be just like us, my biggest fear, but now they have us.  And I get a chance to say and do and BE all the things I wished I had growing up. A soft place to land, a voice of reason, calm in the storm, a shoulder to lean on, a warm snuggle in the middle of the night.....

We are by no means perfect , my husband and I, but hopefully we've helped these two beautiful souls on their journey, just by being us.

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