I'm in a place of self-discovery. Perhaps because I turned 40, because of my husband's mid-life crisis, or maybe because my kids have had a rough year. One girlfriend keeps telling me I've a rough year - but I beg to differ. I got new boobies ;-) I'm good with that. I'm not sure why - I just know I need things to change.
When I see my kids struggling or hurting the only place I have to go is inward. Why do they struggle with friendships, why do they have such great anxiety, why are they so angry all the time??? I think back to where I was and what I was at that age. Then I look in the mirror and say, Well what do you expect Miss Hot Damn Mess.
Why did I think my kids could come out of the womb a total opposite of me - because I threw some other genes in the pool? There was no way they'll come out with my anxiety because I married someone who is a total opposite! How are 2 Type A personalities going to produce a Type B kid? Adoption.
The truth is I married someone very similar to myself and I think most of us do. My husband and I were married 8 years before children so we often joked that the government was paying us not to reproduce. Friends and family did not laugh, they sighed in relief. When you look up Type A Personality in the dictionary there is a picture of my husband, anxiety disorder-me, control freak - my husband, avoidance personality disorder - me, intermittent explosive disorder - my husband....I could go on. We're nuts.
The reality is our children are doing 100% better than us. My husband and I have lost our ever loving minds! All we do is fight, snip, and argue. Then bitch when the kids do it. They call each other names, they can not be in the same room for more than 10 minutes together, they are constantly picking on one another. Huh? I wonder why?
I don't know how many times one of my children has talked me down off a ledge, like the other day when I went grape ape all over a woman who almost hit us racing through the neighborhood to get to a garage sale. It was bad. It was Real Housewives of Atlanta bad. My ten-year-old said, "Mom-that was really mean. Nothing bad happen and she didn't mean to do it."
He's right. I was so wrong. And I am so glad they are better people than I am, I just wonder where that comes from- maybe Grandma was right about pools. Thank God we didn't use protection.
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