Sunday, December 9, 2012

It's not about you- being you.....

It's about you- being me!!

I think the hardest part of this whole freakin' mess (I refuse to say "journey" because it's not) is that my husband is trying to be support and wants to be supportive, but he's doing it his way.  And so you know what I really need right now? A wife.

I need another me.  Let go-schmet go! I'm the mom of course I can't let go.  If my husband says one more time, "I got it!" I'm going to beat him with a frying pan.  He doesn't "got it" because he's never done it and it's too damn let to explain it.

How do I explain that every minute of everyday you are desperately trying to stay 2 steps ahead of everyone.  If you don't stay on top of the laundry everyone runs out of underwear on the same exact day.  If you don't run the dishwasher at least twice a day there will be either no bowls or no spoons at breakfast.  If you only open the refrigerator to feed yourself you may not notice there is no milk, fruit, or lunch food to pack.

It's to damn late to train a replacement, I need another me.  One that understands when to let the boys sleep in and when to rouse them early and get them outside to play before the bus.  One that knows which one will slip out the door everyday in the same clothes hidden under the hoodie and how to handle the one who never has "anything to wear".  How to get them into a shower, then how to get them out.  How to get teeth brushed, prayers said, and a story before 11:30 at night.

My poor husband.  He's trying so hard to step up and all I can think is "You are not DOING it right!"
In my heart I know it's not about being's about being scared.  I just don't know how to be the care-getter.

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