Sunday, April 24, 2011

Insights from the Freshman Mom

Growing up I heard that the only certain things in life were death and taxes.  Then I grew up and that's when I found out that there are plenty of other certains in life, but you have to be in the club first.  And once you join the club, you will be inducted into the rank and file only in due time.  Seeing as I have a second grader and a preschooler- I am only a Freshman.  Sophomores have the teenagers, Juniors have the college students, and Seniors of course - have grandbabies. This is what I know so far........

In childhood roommates are stinky relatives, in college roommates are eclectic and avaunt garde, after marriage - back to stinky relatives.

Halloween costumes go from cute witch, to sexy witch, to just a witch.

Before college it takes forever for summer to get here.  After college, summer is over before you realize it was here.

When you are single it is perfectly acceptable to eat a bag of popcorn for dinner.  When you are married a "meal" must contain something from all the food groups.

When you are dating Applebee's and TGIF's are perfectly acceptable dining establishments.  After marriage you must graduate to PF Chang's.  Once you have children you are downgraded to any restaurant with a drive-thru and a play land.

When you are looking for a date there are "no good men left".  When you stop looking for a man and start searching for the best chocolate cake in town - you'll find your husband.

Single = not guaranteed sex.  Dating = guaranteed sex.  Marriage = guaranteed NO sex.

Before you have children you have brain "farts" after you give birth you have no brain left what-so-ever.

Once you have children you can no longer go to the bathroom, take a shower, answer an email, or talk on the phone without everyone in the house wanting your attention - RIGHT NOW!

After you have children you will never finish an entire meal while it's hot nor will you eat an entire piece of cake by yourself. (Not even the closet, I've tried! They find you)

When dinner is ready, nobody else is.  When dinner is not ready, they will eat things that will make you want to vomit i.e. apples with ranch dip, rice with ketchup, cold spaghetti, or crackers with mayo.

Just when you think you have everyone tucked away nicely for the night and you turn on "that" episode of Sex in the City, your husband will be horny, your oldest will need water, and the baby will wet the bed.

I have a few more years before I make Sophomore status, so stay tuned!

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