Thursday, December 9, 2010

Warning - Mature Content

I am convinced that 50% of all marriages fail, not because of money problems - but sex.  Step aside Mr. Masters and take your Johnson!  Hustle this Larry! Playboy - more like PlayGramps it's just gross!  They're already wrinkled but that one has to look like a raisin by now.

Must everything revolve around their man parts?  I have never heard a women say, God I just need to get laid.  I've never heard of a restaurant that serves cheap alcohol and crappy food but the redeeming factor is well hung men in a Speedo.  Don't even get me started on adult films, why even bother watching, when have you ever heard of a male porn star - ever?

To be fair, when we women get together we do talk about our bodies, and what is falling apart or sagging now that we've had children.  How do you feel good having sex when you no longer feel good getting dressed in front of a mirror.  I used to buy a bra based on how cute it looked on me, not anymore.  After nursing two children I just pray for a bra that can take what now looks like two pathetically empty crepes and turn it into something that resembles a B cup.  And don't get me started on my derriere, I think Victoria's Secret is she's keeping the wonder underpants for herself.

Isn't it bad enough that men can not think without their slong? No! They have to talk to it, consult it, inquire like it is the most important person in the relationship.  I have never felt the need to talk with my vajay-jay.  I think that if I were to ask my female parts what they need the answer would be simple - more sleep!

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