twas the night before Christmas

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house,
Every creature was stirring including the mouse.

The stocking were flung by a chimney not glowing,
in hopes that St. Nicholas would fill overflowing.

The children weren't nestled no one went off to bed,
because of the sugar they'd stuffed in their head.

With Pa on his mountain bike and me in the Kitchen,
there was chaos galore and no shortage of bitchin'.

When out in the playroom there arose such a clatter,
I sprung into action to see what was the matter.

Away to the playroom I flew like a lion,
tore the children apart to see both were cryin'.

When what to my horror do my eyes suddenly see,
all the damn presents from under the tree.

With two children who look like the cat and canary,
I knew there was no saving this, quite the contrary.

Oh Dasher, Oh Dancer, Fricking Prancer and Vixen,
Damn Comet and Cupid, stupid Donner and Blitzen!

And then like a twinkling, I heard in my head,
a child rearing expert and what they had said.

I drew in a breath and was turning around,
when one socked the other and knocked him straight down.

His eyes, glazed over, his nose looking red,
his cheeks, they were flushed, there's a bump on his head.

His droll little mouth was curled down like a bow,
and his skin looked ashen now as white as the snow.

My once chubby and plump little cherub of boy,
was starting to scream to give back the toy!

We spoke not a word but went straight to time out.
And I drank the last wine and had a good pout.

Then sticking his finger up into his nose,
the child pulled out a booger and then he arose-

"Mom, it's a big one!" then gave a low whistle
his brother admired more than guns, tanks, and missile.

And I heard myself say as I walked out of sight,
Merry Christmas you all, I'm out-Peace, Good Night!