Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Parenting books or childhood books?

My girlfriend emailed me the other day that she was reading a parenting book called Scream-Free Parenting. Good for you I said, not me. I can't do it. The whole reason I scream as much as I do is my damn kids. All they do is scream.

Case in point: we are staying at my sisters house with her her family and my parents. There are now 10 people in this house 5 of those people are under the age of 13. Night before last my four year-old threw a fit in the restaurant because he wanted a toothpick. Last night it was because I cut off his lucky hangnail. Tonight it was because I made him get out of the bathtub - two hours I spent trying to shut the kid up without giving in the the steady stream of commands, demands, and ultimatums.

My dad has absolutely had it with the screaming, not to mention my sisters dog -he ran and hid it was so distraught over the screaming. Everyone in the house just wanted to know what was wrong and how to stop it. There is no stopping it once it starts you just have to ride the wave.

What would my parenting book say about stopping a fit that your child is throwing on front of your entire family? Insert child into car seat. Drive to the nearest Wal-Mart. Put them into a cart and take them around the store. No one will notice the child or you behaving badly should you choose to use corporal punishment. Should you choose not to use corporal punishment yourself, the child will have a birds eye view of how lucky they are to have you for a mother.

Proceed to the nearest checkout with the subdued child and three bottles of wine.

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