It's Christmas break and both boys are home. It's hard not to think back to the days when we filled the time with playdates, baking, watching Christmas specials, sledding if there was any snow, and hot cocoa.
I sit alone in a full house now. No one coming out of their room unless they need food, laundry, or money. It's lonely. Aren't they lonely? I love spending time with my kids they are the coolest human beings on earth! (most of the time) What do grown son's do with mom??
If it were up to me, we would still do all the things - and MORE. Go out to eat, cook, go see a band, museum, art exhibit, show, go on a road trip, shopping trip, European trip, try glass blowing, axe throwing, ziplining, go hiking, canoeing, sledding, birdwatching.... you get the picture.
But my boys are not in that phase, yet they are still a chrysalis. Wrapped up, hibernating, morphing, figuring out how to grow their wings let alone use them. I know I need to let them be, but I miss them, all of them.
The little boys that wanted to play a game every day when it was time for me to start cooking dinner. Or who could have played in the sand for 3 more hours with the diggers. The boys who looked forward to reading books together so much they would beg "one more, please, just one more". The teenagers I demanded eat dinner at the table all together and even though they fought me we were all still at the table 2 hours later talking, laughing, listening to stories, and hearing all about their lives. It was just easier to make time or maybe it was making rules when they were under my roof. Now they are guests in their old home.
It will always fill my heart when I get a call and hear, "Hey Mom". Whether they are texting, can you talk? Do you have a minute? or What's up? My whole body reacts. I know I immediately smile, my heart beats faster, I feel lighter and the answer is always YES!
Modern psychology says I too am in a chrysalis stage. This is my time to morph myself, find my bliss, my tribe, try new things, find my new self. I've been looking for myself for 53 years if I haven't found her now - forget it!
I hope my boys will always know how much they lift my soul, light my heart, and make my days better. And whenever they call, whatever they need, it is always- YES! ....and let's get ice cream
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