It's not about the bully!

There is a lot to think about these days. Too Much! Some days it feels like everything going on in the world is going to swallow me up whole. I am listening to an AudioBook from an Author I love and the subject of bullies came up. I started thinking about this on the way home and for the first time I had a thought that I may be able to articulate without sounding like a babbling bafoon.

All any one ever talks about is "The Bully". Here's the thing - it's not about the Bully.

(I'll let that sink in)

It's about human behavior.  All of us will be the bully and the bullied at some point in our lives because that is part of being human.  To me - it makes more sense to talk about why bullying happens. How do you handle the feelings you will have at some point to bully someone? Why do you have these feelings? How does it feel to be a bully? To be bullied? What button is really being pushed??

As I round half a century on this earth one thing is finally becoming clear - the things that hurt me or make me angry or frustrated are pushing a button way deep down in my soul.  People that I thought were horribly mean when I was young-er, were sometimes just telling the truth.  Albeit in a rude and snotty way. They were just as scared, anxious, and vulnerable as I was but at that moment maybe more....that's why they lashed out at someone else.

Funny how conversations like this always seem to sound better in my head while I am driving then when I start to type it out.....

In the book the Author is talking about bullying amongst mom's and states something like "we all judge each other because none of us know what we are doing"  YES! We are all human beings having a very complicated, messy, vulnerable human experiences.  The more we understand about ourselves the more we can understand and empathize with ourselves. And if you can not take care of yourself you can not take care of others.

What would be so wrong with teaching the children that we require to be in school for 6 months out of the year and 8 hours out of the day five days a week - How to listen, communicate, and for Goodness sake the F* word!!! 

FEEL

Damn near every single solitary subject along with every test ever given in it is now searchable online but you know what is not searchable?  How do I make friends?  What is wrong with me? Why do I feel this way?  Those are questions that you have to ask another human being who has walked that road or one next to it. These are very natural human feelings all humans have at some point and they need to hear from another human being - Me Too!!  Not from Facebook, or Instagram, or TikTok because those are not real people. Those are people hiding behind a screen just like the Wizard in Oz.  If we pull back the screen they will be just as exposed as us. Heaven Forbid.

I'm getting that rambling away feeling I get when my point starts to float away from me into the ether so in the interest of staying on track.

The other day at my son's soccer game there was a very questionable call from the Ref. For me to say that is BAD because I have been very open about knowing nothing about sports.  The Ref called a corner kick because our Goalie touched the ball before it went out.  From the stands the ball appeared to sail at least 20 feet away from the goalie. The other team scored off the corner kick. Parents were outraged and never stopped heckling the Ref about this flagrantly terrible call.

After the game, my son said "Oh, that call? Yeah it was good. Our goalie got his whole hand on it." My husband and I were both stunned. Are you kidding? "Nope. He was a really good Ref actually. He came over before the game and said that he would be slow on the whistle because he would look at advantage."  (Yes, I had to ask what ALL of that meant)

I said to my husband that night. Hmph. Do you feel bad about all the horrible heckling against that Ref after what our son said. To which he replied, "Hell no! That is not how sports work."

Hmph. But shouldn't it? If sports are a metaphor for life, if the point of all the sports was to teach our sons skills that will enhance their life - What did we teach them today? To be Judge and Jury? To poke, prod, and heckle even when we are wrong?      To be a Bully??

There are at least two sides to every story. There are many sides to every human.  Sometimes we will be bullied and sometimes we will be the bully.  Recognizing which one you are is the first step to fixing it, and very possibly fixing some of what is going on in our world today.