Saturday, July 7, 2012

Forty isn't Fabulous

Forty is....flabby, flatulent, forgetful. One thing I do not feel turning 40 is wiser. In fact the exact opposite is true. I feel more useless and out of date than than I ever have before. Technology is moving faster than I can and watching the morning show while I am on the treadmill at the gym trying to keep my ass from growing the size or two axe handles - I mean keeping my heart healthy - no longer keeps me in the loop. (not that I think I ever was)

I've tried to analyze why turning 40 is turning me inside out. Is it because 40 used to be "old"? Something our mothers were, not us, heeheeehee. Is it because I am suppose to be upset and start lying about my age? I am celebrating the 11th Anniversary of my 29 Birthday. Is it the fact that I totally wasted my 20's by not walking around completely naked? Why don't glamour magazines tell me that! Ladies your skin will never be tighter or softer, your ass and arms will never be firmer then they are right now so Enjoy It!

Maybe it's the fact that every time I turn around someone is talking about their bucket list. I got to swim with dolphins, ran a marathon, ate rattle snake mark that off the bucket list! Bully for you Gov'ner. I have not yet made a list of things to do before I die, perhaps because I'm too busy with laundry, soccer, library duty, and dinner to die.

Standing at the edge of the Atlantic Ocean watching my oldest son who is now 9 years old and almost as tall as I am I realized something-I have no control. I can't turn back time any more than I can keep the waves from crashing. And sometimes crashing on those I love. There are days I want it back.....good skin, tight ass, real blond hair, my babies, my youth. I want more time. I want to fix what I F'd up so badly that it still keeps me up at night.

I don't want any regrets, and right now that's all I have. I should have said yes, said no, left early, stayed late, hugged more, fought less, listened, laughed, loved. Did I leave it all on the field? Give it all I had? Get all that I could? Have I reached my potential or is it still buried some where deep down inside?

Maybe forty isn't suppose to be fabulous, maybe it is suppose to be freeing? I will let you know on the 21st Anniversary of my 29th Birthday.

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