Thursday, February 23, 2012

I want a Do Over!

Wouldn't it be awesome if I could shout "DO Over" for my 40th birthday.

Just imagine a day where you could do it over.  The talent show where I did a front walkover off the stage.    Prom.  The 80's.  My first boyfriend.

I was thinking about this tonight when I took the boys to dance class.  I want to take dance again, but not with 40 year old knees and post-baby back. I watch them not with regret, but with envy because in my head I can still do all that.  When reality is I haven't done the splits in 20 years.

I was thinking tonight how great it felt to drive to dance class with my Grandpa.  It was such a special thing to have him all to myself, and because we always stopped at McDonald's afterwards.  I was thinking about all the shopping trips with Grandma.  We always stopped at the "talking tree" in Lazarus and the got lunch in the restaurant.

My mom and I once drove down to stay at my sisters college apartment when she wasn't even there so that I could go to an audition the morning.  We hung out, had pizza and even had to fend off some boys that saw the lights on just wanted to make sure we were all right.  I fell in love instantly and wondered why my sister wasn't.  Mom wasn't so easily swayed and I later figured out that was what they meant by a booty call.

We went on a family trips to Disney World, New York City, Washington DC, and even Baltimore.  We ate at a Fudrucker's before the mid-west had ever heard of it and I brought that name up every chance I got for at least 4 years.

I had multiple bad boyfriends, but had my first kiss on some bleachers by the track behind our house.  I was terrified the whole family was watching from the living room and ran home. The curtains where closed tight.

We had a multitude of First Communion's, Easter's, Birthday's, and Christmas's at our house where there were so many relatives I thought the house would explode.  More often it was our stomach's from consuming copious amounts of fat laden good old Midwest cuisine.  (Cheesy potatoes anyone!)  There were so many kids we didn't have a table - we had the ourselves.

I want a Do Over. Just for one day.  I want to wake up in bedroom, smell coffee, and hear the hair dryer.  I want to take off running through the field behind our house till I get to Mama and Papa's house where I can have any darn thing I want for breakfast - even dried beef and pickles.  After that I will take off down the street to Grandma and Grandpa's house where we will get in the car to run "errands" even though there is not a single thing we need except lunch.  Then I'd stop at Mrs. Gehble's house because she didn't have any girls and whenever I talked, she listened. And whatever I wanted (cookies) I got.  I would beg to go all the way to Coldwater to our cousin's hosue because they lived right across the street from the park and if you took a quick shower with your bathing suit on you could get into the pool just by saying "been in".  Plus there were six kids in their family and if you add a friend to each one there was always something going on at their house.  I'd come home exhausted to find dinner on the table.

But it's not just my stomach that would be full, it would be my heart. Because what I've realised the older I get is not how much I've lost, but how much I had.  How lucky I was to have all four grandparents in my life growing up.  To have had people like family, friends, neighbors, dance instructors, coaches, teachers, and yes - parents that helped to love, support, guide, and push me in this direction.

I don't want to do it all over, even the really bad parts have taught me something.  I mostly just want to hang out with them for one more day.   And when it's time to go, get a hug goodbye....maybe two.

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