We played a new game over the Thanksgiving break that may become, Lord help me, a staple in our house. If I haven't mentioned it a thousand times I have all boys, literally. I am still raising my husband. Sometimes the conversation at the dinner table sounds more like a locker room, and smell like one too but I digress.
For both Thanksgiving and Christmas this year we packed up and went to my parent house. Being at Nanna and Papa's house usually means there are fewer magic tricks from my teenagers. They do this great Houdini trick where they make themselves disappear with an electronic device. "Poof"
One afternoon when I was not cooking, again, Mom and I sat down at the table to do an easy craft I brought along hoping to engage her in some kind of non cleaning activity. Dad wondered in at one point and sat down to watch us I guess because he was not participating but he was distracting mom and asking 100 times alternately "What the Hell is that"and "Why the Hell are you doing THAT". It was super helpful - I gave thanks.
Exasperated I gave up on the ornaments and made mom and I a cup of tea and grabbed some healthyish snacks to get mom to eat something. Smelling food that was not self-serve my kids straggled into the room next. When I set a bowl of nuts on the table I could see my dad's eyes light up. Ok just be honest, anything you set in front of my dad makes his eyes light up and becomes food even if'it's not so....
After about the third time my dad went to reach his hand into the bowl my mom grabbed the edge of the bowl and slide it across the table in front of my boys. Dad quickly got defensive and spouted, "Now I can't even have my nuts!" At which point my boys busted out laughing and my mom piped up, "You don't need them ." Even I was crying now SNL isn't this funny anymore.
When we could catch out breath I sad to the boys I really hope one of your teachers asks you to write about your Thanksgiving break, only because if I had ever been an English teacher like I thought I was going to be that would absolutely be my first assignment after every holiday.
A little while later my husband appeared. His magic is not quite as spectacular as the boys. My husband's in-law magic consists of disappearing and reappearing after doing things like running 14 miles, or biking halfway home and back, or in this case going into the basement to do 300 Burpees just to see if he could.
He saw us all snacking and said "Oh I have some dark chocolate". My husband's idea of a true indulgence does not by any means meet human criteria. Once in a while he buys what is suppose to be dark chocolate but is really a form of food torture. It is organic 99% dark Cocoa with no sugar added. And every single time he eats it he has to tell us ALL about it, and offer it everyone, and say how good for you it is. No. No it's not. Even the Aztek's didn't eat a cocoa bean off the tree and say - What at treat!
So he gets his chocolate and starts asking the usual -does anyone like dark Chocolate does anyone want dark chocolate...knowing that my mom particularly will only hear chocolate and that in her current state will not remember that this is a my husband's form of food torture I am desperately trying to talk over him and steer this boat in another direction.
Alas, mom hears chocolate and says what are you eating honey? Beaming my husband says, "I love dark chocolate mom, do you love dark chocolate? I am 80% dark chocolate, do you want some of this?"
I'll just let that simmer with you a minute,
My boys were rolling on the floor my youngest howling "no teacher would ever believe this." My parent's are looking terribly confused and meanwhile I am shouting "NO! NO! Don't eat his chocolate!" Which only made the boys howl louder.
To her credit my mom did crack a smile and say, "No thank you I don't want your dark chocolate, and honey, you really shouldn't talk to your mother in law that way."
Now do you see why this is my kids new favorite game.
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