Please do as I say....not as I did

Do you ever feel, as a parent, that a lot of what you are trying to say to your child is -
do as I say -Please! Not as I did!

There is a lot of debate over the merits of telling your child what you did in your youth. Do you admit to smoking pot, getting drunk, dropping acid at a Phish concert? (none of which I did of course) Or do you just repeat the Reagan Era slogan drilled into our heads -

Where do I stand on this issue? Not the Just say no, that was the worst campaign ever. Right up there with abstinence.  On whether to be fully and completely honest with my kids about all the stupid stuff that I did in my youth, where I was almost arrested, expelled, beat up, or killed.  I sometimes wonder how I made it through my teenage years alive.

I just ran into someone who grew up about 30 minutes from where I did.  Another small rural community where Friday night football, fights, and beer where the norm.  We were discussing our misadventures in front of his now grown son who was standing there aghast. His son said "You never told us these stories!" To which he immediately replied "Now can you see why?"

So it brings me back to my question, How much do I share with my kids?  They know that my dad was an alcoholic, my uncle a crack addict, that addiction runs heavily in my family.  I have talked about how that affects not just the person's life, but everyone around them. But they have never seen it - because neither my husband or I drink or socialize- at all.

I was over exposed if that's possible.  My parents were either out drinking or hosting the debacle every Saturday night my entire childhood.  I was mixing a mean Gin & Tonic with a twist by age 7.  I knew the difference between Wild Turkey and Jim Beam. Turkey you served to the hunter/fishermen crew, Beam you served to the Doctor/Judge/Banker crowd.  Beer was beer - it just had to be cold and don't you dare shake it up.  Always pour generous, use a tall glass for the fisherman and the good glasses for the Judge, just keep them coming.

That still didn't stop me from getting drunker than a skunk at maybe 12-13 years old when I ended up tagging along to an open air. (it's a country kid thing) I think my older siblings were there somewhere, I can't remember now, but what I do know is that upon walking in someone handed me a half gallon jug full of beer.  In all the times that my parents threw those parties, all the drinks that I made and served, I never understood that those people were so "happy" not because I made them a great drink, but because they were drunk.

How do you explain drunk to someone? Especially a teenager? Without making it sound like the coolest thing ever?

So you drink a little and start to feel good, happy, social, carefree.  After a few more drinks then you start to feel even happier, invincible, and maybe a little dizzy.  The next stage everything around you becomes the funniest thing you have ever seen or heard and you want to tell everyone but they can't seem to understand you anymore. Your going to start getting really close to people and talking really loud, but they still won't understand you. Oh yeah and also at this point, you maybe having trouble standing up so your going to be hanging on to them like Kate Winslet held on to the Titanic.
Then you will throw up, pass out, piss yourself, and wake up feeling like you licked a cat all night long while someone used your head for a bongo drum. And they still are. It's Awesome!

I only had to drink once. That once. That I was taken to an open air, given a half gallon jug of beer, and do not remember the rest of the night. I do remember being kicked awake in a strange house soaking wet from the waist down feeling like total shit by someone yelling "your mom's here dumb ass and she's pissed".  I NEVER EVER wanted to do that again.

Is this the story that I tell my kids so that they don't have to go through it? Is it something that you have to go through to figure out you never want to do that again?  This is what I wrestle with considering the struggles my family has with drugs. What if they don't hate it? What if they think that is Awesome?  We talk about drugs and alcohol and how they are bad for your body in general and how dangerous it can be but I feel like our talks always end the same way.....Just Say No.