Sunday, April 3, 2016

" I'm not so good with advice but..."

"can I interest you in a sarcastic comment instead?" Friends - Chandler Bing

I have always felt more comfortable writing than talking....where I can read, reread, look at it, say it out loud, fix it, revise it, edit it, or DELETE it. When faced with an emotional or confrontational conversation I tend to either put both feet in my mouth or clam up pretending I never heard the comment.

When I was turning 40 it was one of the things that I wanted to magically appear after I blew out the candles on the birthday cake.  I would make a wish for the perfect prelection and PUFF. Never again would I suffer from the extreme embarrassment of saying something really stupid after someone reveals something personally emotional or upsetting. Or worse looking like a deer in headlights. Having no no response at all except for my mouth hanging open.

It didn't happen.  But I have been working really hard to think before I speak even if it takes me a little longer or a few try's to get it right.

The other night at the soccer field was no exception. I usually workout while the boys are practicing. We pay a lot of money for someone else to coach soccer I see no reason for me to micro-manage them. On top of the whole-not knowing a thing about sports.

Any who, one of the Dad's was also walking and we fell into step together and conversed about the team and the hope of a much better season and Spring Break.  We discussed our non-vacations and frustration about having a game on Easter Weekend.

I tried to say I shouldn't be too upset seeing as we are not deeply religious people, but for me it's more about respecting our time as a family.  I appreciated the coach we had one year that said his order of importance was "Faith, Family, School, then Soccer." This Dad said he agreed. Not that he was deeply religious either considering he was one of the many boys hurt by the church scandal.

You know how you hear something, but you do not hear it? It's like, Wait What? I wasn't ready for that - for so many reasons. We were walking around the pitch, it was a Tuesday night, and this is a guy. I personally have rarely seen that level of vulnerability, honesty, or openness from a man.

I just nodded. We kept walking. I offered my opinion on the Church's more than Epic Fail in handling the scandal.  My inability to support a church of all places that could ruin lives in such a heinous way and take no responsibility. It's an emotional subject - obviously. I didn't want to get so emotional that I said something stupid or worse - hurtful. But I also somehow wanted to I guess acknowledge his pain and apologize. I just wasn't sure how.

His response was wonderful. He said it's not that I don't have faith in God, it's that I no longer have respect for the institution.  Wow. After all that he has been through, to be able to separate the good from the bad.  It's admirable. Makes me look like I kinda threw the baby out with the bath water, A?

To this Dad - and to all the men that were so horribly wronged by the very institution that was suppose to love, guide, and protect them.
I am truly sorry.

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