Thursday, July 17, 2014

Courage is a Muscle - use it!

Have you ever had one of those experiences, several times, and then said to the universe, "Seriously!"

In my heart I know that the universe is trying to teach me something, but the voices in my head or around me are drowning everything else out. Such is Motherhood.

Instinct pulls you in the right direction and yet we make that left turn anyway. Perhaps it is a comment by the Doctor, your mother, or a girlfriend.  We know with all our heart that something is wrong with our child, or right, that they need something, or nothing.

My poor nephew spent his birthday in the hospital after a ruptured appendix.  If I know my sister, she is beating herself up for the whole thing. Thinking that she somehow had control over the universe. Which she does not, but I ain't gonna be one to tell her!! Have you met her? You do it.

Not that I think his awful experience was about her - exactly the opposite. I have learned so much as a parent from watching her advocate for her children.  It's something I struggle with, speaking up for myself and my kids.

There is a quote I heard once that I loved so much I printed it out and posted it on our kitchen.
"Courage is a muscle" I think instinct is too.  I beat myself up for not having more, then realize I had it when it counted the most....I was just to busy using it to pay attention.

I often think of my best friend's daughter who has undergone countless (40+??) surgeries.  All the times it was a "routine" or "simple" or "standard" procedure that landed her in the hospital again for days, weeks, or months.  How would I get through that? How could I watch? How would I not be angry? scared? overwhelmed? I think she would say - Who said I wasn't?

The more you use a muscle, the more you build that muscle. Some of us have more opportunities than others my friend will remind me when I start lamenting about what I didn't do, or ask, or say.  But each time I learn a little more, practice a little more, try a little more.

I hope my nephew is released from the hospital soon because I know that he will bounce right back. And then maybe my sister will have time to bounce back too.  Because nothing hurts us more as Mom's then dwelling on the shoulda, woulda, coulda's, instead of seeing the times it was I got this!

Like I said, I know my sister. There may have been moments when the voices drowned out her gut - but when her gut kicked in - someone got their ass kicked.  I'm sure of it.

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