Tuesday, February 4, 2014

5th graders

I've tried to think of very witty and clever title but I got nothing today. Just 5th graders.

My ten year-old is at that point - I remember this point -  when you have finally mastered the Double Entendre, usually involving poop or butts. And you start testing the waters of sarcasm. (God help us there because his mother has a degree from SU. Sarcasm University)

He came home from school the other day walked into the kitchen and stood behind me then proceeded to say, "Mom. I'm talking behind your back." At which point he could no longer contain himself and cracked up laughing.  The seven year-old just starred at him trying to figure out what part was suppose to be funny.  I smiled and said, "That's a good one." But what was cute was he didn't stop there.  He explained it to me, three times.

He had an Orthodontist appointment recently and missed lunch time at school so after they checked his retainer I said we could go grab lunch. He chose Jimmy Johns because "They are Freaky Fast Mom! I can get back to school faster." It was raining outside and he decided he didn't want to get out of the car so I just said fine tell me what you want.  "I want a number 2. I love number 2."  he said. I laughed first. Slowly he started laughing. By the time I came back out to the car he was in full hysterics. But what was cute was he explained it to me, three times.

Last night after a late soccer practice he still had homework to do and he was hungry again. No surprise to those of you who have lived with a ten year-old boy.  They can eat dinner at home and then go to a friends house where they were eating dinner and eat again as if they have never seen food before. Sickening.

He started his homework and I made a hot ham and cheese sandwich and put it in front of him.  He was scribbling spelling words with one hand and shoving the sandwich in his mouth with the other when my husband (who can still eat two dinners in a row by the way) says to our son "You can't do homework and eat at the same time."

Thank goodness my son was too busy eating and scribbling to respond.  I however, was more than happy to respond to that statement from the man that spent the end of our college career with food in one hand and a text book in the other.  So I said "Really? I seem to remember someone in college who could do just about anything and eat at the same time." To which my husband responded, "You did? Who?"  That is when my son choose to respond with, "She means you dad. It's called sarcasm. See-" But what was cute was him explaining sarcasm to my husband.

But wait there's more! So my husband says to our son "But have you ever noticed how much your mother puts me down? Do I ever put anyone down?" Oh grasshopper, ask the question and you shall now receive two smartass answers.  One from your wife and one from your son.  The ten-year-old replies calmly, "Yep. Me. All the time." Horrified my husband says WHAT! I don't put you down, what are you talking about I tell you I love you I tell you how great you played.... I was already laughing because I could see where this was going, damn I'm one proud sick mother.
"Dad. You put me down all the time. Like yesterday - you put me down so hard you almost broke my back. Then you sat on me and gave me a rug burn on my face."  The puzzled luck for those three seconds on my husbands face were priceless, then I could see the, "Why you little" look set in.

"I was talking about when we wrestle. See Dad - " Yep - you guessed it, he explained it, three times.  God I love 5th graders.

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