I want a Do Over!

Wouldn't it be awesome if I could shout "DO Over" for my 40th birthday.

Just imagine a day where you could do it over.  The talent show where I did a front walkover off the stage.    Prom.  The 80's.  My first boyfriend.

I was thinking about this tonight when I took the boys to dance class.  I want to take dance again, but not with 40 year old knees and post-baby back. I watch them not with regret, but with envy because in my head I can still do all that.  When reality is I haven't done the splits in 20 years.

I was thinking tonight how great it felt to drive to dance class with my Grandpa.  It was such a special thing to have him all to myself, and because we always stopped at McDonald's afterwards.  I was thinking about all the shopping trips with Grandma.  We always stopped at the "talking tree" in Lazarus and the got lunch in the restaurant.

My mom and I once drove down to stay at my sisters college apartment when she wasn't even there so that I could go to an audition the morning.  We hung out, had pizza and even had to fend off some boys that saw the lights on just wanted to make sure we were all right.  I fell in love instantly and wondered why my sister wasn't.  Mom wasn't so easily swayed and I later figured out that was what they meant by a booty call.

We went on a family trips to Disney World, New York City, Washington DC, and even Baltimore.  We ate at a Fudrucker's before the mid-west had ever heard of it and I brought that name up every chance I got for at least 4 years.

I had multiple bad boyfriends, but had my first kiss on some bleachers by the track behind our house.  I was terrified the whole family was watching from the living room and ran home. The curtains where closed tight.

We had a multitude of First Communion's, Easter's, Birthday's, and Christmas's at our house where there were so many relatives I thought the house would explode.  More often it was our stomach's from consuming copious amounts of fat laden good old Midwest cuisine.  (Cheesy potatoes anyone!)  There were so many kids we didn't have a table - we had the basement...to ourselves.

I want a Do Over. Just for one day.  I want to wake up in bedroom, smell coffee, and hear the hair dryer.  I want to take off running through the field behind our house till I get to Mama and Papa's house where I can have any darn thing I want for breakfast - even dried beef and pickles.  After that I will take off down the street to Grandma and Grandpa's house where we will get in the car to run "errands" even though there is not a single thing we need except lunch.  Then I'd stop at Mrs. Gehble's house because she didn't have any girls and whenever I talked, she listened. And whatever I wanted (cookies) I got.  I would beg to go all the way to Coldwater to our cousin's hosue because they lived right across the street from the park and if you took a quick shower with your bathing suit on you could get into the pool just by saying "been in".  Plus there were six kids in their family and if you add a friend to each one there was always something going on at their house.  I'd come home exhausted to find dinner on the table.

But it's not just my stomach that would be full, it would be my heart. Because what I've realised the older I get is not how much I've lost, but how much I had.  How lucky I was to have all four grandparents in my life growing up.  To have had people like family, friends, neighbors, dance instructors, coaches, teachers, and yes - parents that helped to love, support, guide, and push me in this direction.

I don't want to do it all over, even the really bad parts have taught me something.  I mostly just want to hang out with them for one more day.   And when it's time to go, get a hug goodbye....maybe two.

Ok, who's got it?

OK people, who's got it? It's been out of print for years, the library copy is missing, not even amazon can come up with one - So who's got it?

I've got the marriage licence, the birth certificates, even those darned HIPPA papers but no manual.

Where's the manual people? I need a copy.  I need a reference.  I need some help.

No one said being a grown-up would be this damn hard.

The "tummy-ache" disease

My year was 4th, it seems that for my son it will be 3rd grade.  We have the dreaded "tummy-ache" disease.  I've talked with his teacher, counselor, even the nurse.  So unfortunately he is going to have to be really green in order to get sent home.  Which was part of the problem on Friday.  He was having a rough tummy day and just wanted to come home, and instead he got to hang out with the nurse, and the counselor, and go to the bathroom as often as he needed - but he stayed the whole day.

To their defense, the poor staff at school had an unprecedented 4 ambulances at the school the day before.  So Alexander's "tummy-ache" seemed to pale in comparison.  The day before two children collided playing football on the playground, one walked away with a concussion and one with a split eyebrow.  The one with a split eyebrow has an older brother who by the time he got to the playground had heard that his brother lost an eye, then seeing all the blood on the concrete freaked out and ended up in the ambulance with his brother.  Next four or five children in the 5th grade all started vomiting simultaneously in the classroom.  And to finish off the afternoon a student being bullied stuck her alleged assailant in the neck with a pencil. That's all.  (Just a reminder we live in the burbs)

I wouldn't think much of Alexander's "tummy-ache" disease but he even bagged the movies last night with his dad.  He missed Journey 2 Mysterious Island to stay home with mom.  Normally I would be flattered, but I am starting to worry since it is affecting his home life, I guess it is time to rethink this, is there more?

I laid awake last night running every scenario though my head.  Is there a bully? Is it the teacher? Pressure at school, home, sports? He is once again not going anywhere in the house by himself.  Last night the boys, who I thought would soon want separate rooms, pushed their beds back together.

Am I in a hurry for him to grow up - Heck No! Hold out as long as you can that's my motto.  (But then turning 40 this year has that effect.)  I just want everything for him, especially what I did not have.  My sister made a good point, she said what about letting him call you from the nurses office, just to hear your voice.  That way you can say, I can come and get you if you really need me, is there anything you will miss, like gym or art? Since those are still a really big deal we may sell him on sticking it out.

My head knows that there is nothing really wrong and that we will get through this, but my heart lay in a million pieces as I want so badly to scoop him up and snuggle in bed with him for the rest of the day.  Just holding him tight and hoping that he doesn't grow-up, at least for today.

In memory and thanks to the best school nurse ever Louis Dobbins - I would not have made it 6 years without you - and my cot!