Monday, May 16, 2011

Do as I say, not as I do.....

Why do we take a dip in the gene pool, only to get mad when the result is mini-me?  My husband and I were married eight years before we had children.  Once when a long time family friend asked me what we were waiting for I commented, "The government won't allow us to reproduce."  It became my husband's response for the next seven years.

Here we are eight years and two boys later.  Both boys are a combination of both of us, but unfortunately my husband and I are a lot alike.  So what did I expect?  I expect them to not act like me.  Really?!

At least I am not alone.  I've talked with other people who have an anxiety disorder and they've said the same thing - "Please don't let them be like me!"  We know it's insane, but yet hope that somehow we'll have children who are calm, cool, and collected.

I know that I have good qualities, I used to tell potential employers.  But living with an anxiety disorder all my life has been like being on an emotional roller coaster.  One minute life feels great and the next it feels like a total loss.  I remember feeling like this as young as five.  Somehow I was hoping that it wasn't genetic - or that at the least-I could fix it.

I can't fix it, I can't even fix myself.  Anxiety is something I struggle with everyday on some level.  Seeing my oldest son struggling right now is killing me.  This is not what I wanted when I took a leap of faith straight into the gene pool, but it isn't totally unexpected.  So I guess it's time to learn to swim - together.

No comments:

Post a Comment