What am I doing wrong?!

I give up! I do. This is not a problem I can google, research, or pray away.

My kids don't have any friends and it is all my fault.

If my kids grow up to be alcoholics my husband and I do not have to take any credit for it - the genes maybe- but our children have not grown up in a house or a culture of alcohol.  My husband never drinks, myself rarely. In fact so rarely the comments my kids have made about my "drinking" are comical. And they also allude me as I am writing this at 4 in the morning. There are many other things that we can take credit for and this one - no friends - it's all our fault.

I don't have girl-friends.  I never have. I have made very few very close friends in my life.  The older I get the more I realize that this is not normal, but I'm rounding 50 - it's not likely to change now. It's not like I didn't try throughout my life. I did! I have! But I obviously don't know what the hell I'm doing because it doesn't work for me. People come and go, or pass thru, or more likely they just say "You are so {enter a superlative} it was nice to meet you/" Then they run in the other direction.

My sister's and I are not friends. That right there should have been my first clue I suck at this. The two people in the world that have to be my friend said "F@%& Off".  I clearly do not understand how to do Friendship. It really didn't dawn on me after college for quite a while.  My husband and I married and figuring that out was a nightmare. What am I saying, I still haven't figured it out I am just less in triage and more in managed care.

But seeing and hearing other women in work situations talk about girls nights, and girls trips, and girlfriends I realized I was missing out on something everyone else had.  It wasn't until after my first son was born and I was staying home with him that I knew I had to fix this. I joined not one but two mom's groups and we went to every Parent.Child class my husband taught. I went to playgroups and story time - You Name It! Nothing. It was a lot of - Nice to meet you, Goodbye.

When the kids got in school I volunteered, helped in the classroom, joined committees, I joined a Bunko group - not for the kids just for myself. I was in that group what like 10 years!  I haven't spoken to the women since I quit. Are you convinced yet? I am Crazy right - So bat shit crazy that people meet me and run in the other direction.

Why is any of this important. Because my 16 year-old son has no social life. None. What 16 year old kid has NO social life?! One that was raised on the island of Misfit toys with his mom that's who!! And my 13 year old son - is just like his father. Very social, very outgoing, great at bringing people together. Yes, bringing THEM together...then they leave him out.  My most popular kid could get the entire 8th grade class to wear pink and go to the Volleyball game for support but not one of those kids will call him to hang out. Why? Because his mom is that crazy lady that everyone says "Hi" to and then runs in the other direction.

What am I doing wrong? I truly do not have a clue. But I just want to say to my kids, probably the only ones who will ever read this when I eventually get dementia and stop using my computer and they go searching for pictures or cryptocurrency, I am sorry. I am so very sorry that your mom truly failed you in this area.