What is a Friend?

What is a Friend?

When you are very young blankie and teddy are your best friends. The woman at the store who hands you a cookie as you pass the bakery is your friend, the big yellow bird in the TV is your friend. (yes I am that old)

Getting a little bit older you feel the power of people NOT being your friend. Suddenly when you don't get what you want Mommy is not your friend anymore. And neither is Niles because he hogs all the Matchbox cars so you have every right to slap him with your foot. (Dude you had to see that coming) I digress, literally

Friends come and go and the requirements for BFF status change.  From 4th grade to Junior High there are major changes in what you need in a friend.  Riding bikes to the pool and playing clue in the basement or Ghost in the Graveyard after dark are so much different than cheer-leading tryouts and your first kiss.

When our life changes our requirements change and so do some of our friends.

But when did the requirements for a Friend change?

Twice this summer I have been hit with really sad news at the last minute when someone remembered that I am not on Facebook.  The text's I received said, "Sorry you are not on Facebook but..."

I am not sorry. I am not on Facebook for a reason but I will save that for another day.

My question is, When did being a Friend require that I am on your Facebook page?

I ask myself this question daily - Am I the idiot? Do I have it all wrong? I was never a cool kid and I am certainly not now.....but how can I be, because I am not on Facebook? Maybe I am the one stuck in JR High and need to "grow up" but to me a friend is someone who cares about you enough to want to talk to you, usually in person, but the phone will do. A friend is someone who wants to hang out with you and see the pictures of your vacation, hear the stories, laugh so hard about your son who got to Boston with no shoes in the dead of winter that she snorts wine up her nose and now they both have a new nickname.

A friend is someone who loves you enough to spend time with you in good times and bad. Even if that means crying over the phone. Who sends her love and energy when you get diagnosed.  Who drops off a casserole or a bottle of wine.  Who remembers your Birthday. Well, at least the Big Ones. OK so I get it there within the same year, danmit! I never said I was perfect.

Anyone is your friend because you can "Friend" them.  And then you can elevate their friend status with your "Likes". You can also tear them down - if just not liking them isn't good enough you can "Unfriend them" Ha! Take that Mrs. Stole my boyfriend in Seventh Grade.  Now not only can I carry the grudge around on my back for twenty years I can torment you on Facebook with snarky comments.

I never said I was perfect. I am certainly not the perfect friend. I haven't had many friends throughout my life and some I thought were my friends were not. That hurt badly and I know that I have never fully recovered from that.  I am guarded about getting close and quick to write people off.

The one thing that I do know is - we all need friends. And even if it's been a long time if you called me up tomorrow and said I can get a free couch but it's on a boat down at the Marina will you help me move it? I would say SURE. Not realizing what I am agreeing to and almost taking off my hand trying to get a sofa bed out of the tiny haul of a "Yacht" that could not make it on Below Deck.

(yeah, we are NOT doing that again!)

My point is that I may never be on Facebook but I will always be a Face in your book.

(That sounded a lot better in my head at 3 a.m. this morning. Does it sound ok? Really? Oh hell who I am asking - I don't have any friends!)

Have I lost my voice?

I think about how often I used to think "I have to write that down!" Let alone how much more often I sat down and wrote.

I don't do that anymore.

It's been bothering me for quite a few years now because the whole point of keeping this blog was to have at least this for my sons - if not pictures, memories, mementos, they would have their mother's words about them, their lives, their ups and downs and my joy in watching it all. I've lost my voice.

When did it happen? When did it get to hard to write?

When my oldest started Junior High? That was a tough time, for both of us.  My Junior High PTSD was triggered and his was just beginning.  My kids are still amazing and funny and brilliant and talented....maybe I'm not? Don't freak out I am NOT looking for sympathy here, I am truly just trying to dig deeper into this instead of hitting the easy button - "I went back to work".

Now that No.2 son has gotten through year one of Junior Hell I am looking into what it is that has descended upon our house. Puberty? That what the SMELL is!!

The boys are getting older, busier, more independent (in some ways, they still can't find the dishwasher).  Our relationship is changing as it should, but I've not only lost my voice, I've lost my place. I am not sure where to fit in anymore. It's not easy being Mom to a teenage boys. What are my choices?

or

There maybe more grey area than I think here.