Thank you Abby Wombach!

 Abby Wombach's Commencement Speech at LMU

Sometimes someone puts something so simply, but so eloquently that it touches your soul. Abby Wombach has done just that for that for me in her commencement speech to LMU Class of 2022.

Miss Wombach is not only one of the most decorated Female athlete of all times - she is damn near the most decorated soccer player of all times! She can literally run with the big dogs. She is openly Gay, Democratic, and Catholic. In her speech Miss Wombach clearly, simply, and eloquently describes being 4 years old and wanting a world that didn't exist yet. And now she is living and forming that world every day.

There are many things that touched me about her speech, truly. But the very first thing was when she said, "I was a little gay girl in Catholic schools and churches. And while there was much about it I loved, I didn't always feel loved back. I often felt unvalued and unsafe being who God made me to be. In the one place I should have felt the safest and most valued"

Read that again. And if you identify as Christian -read it again.

I was not a little gay girl, but I was a very anxious girl. I was a molested and raped girl. I was an emotionally abused girl that was being told, God made you in his likeness and YOU screwed that up. He doesn't like who you are now, you are bad, you must prostrate yourself and repent if you want to go to Heaven and not spend eternity burning in Hell.

If you are devote you maybe shaking your head. But that is exactly what I was hearing from the Nuns, the brothers, and Priests week after week after week. I didn't have the words or the right to say to them -You're scaring me! A 6/8/10 year-old shouldn't have to shout to adults in power in organized Religion -please stop telling me I am not worthy of Heaven, I already know that and I lie awake at night terrified "if I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take" DON'T TAKE ME TO HELL!

Even at 6 years-old I knew something was not right. Every week my parents got all jacked up, dad cussed us into the car, drove 60 mph to church, marched us up to the front pews where we were suppose to sit, stand, kneel, and chant on cue in front of a bigger than life man naked, bloodied, and staked to a cross. After church the same routine ensued in reverse, cuss us into the car, drive 60 mph home, march us into the house where he expected us sit, stand, and answer on cue but otherwise stay the hell out of his way.

As a Catholic, in 8th grade there is a right of passage called Confirmation. Girls wear a white dress, pick a Holy name, and stand in front of God and the church and commit to a life of devotion to the Church. Around that time in our Parish we had a Deacon working for the Church and school. When it was time for Confirmation I said to my Mom - Um, No thanks! I'm good. Well, she sent me to talk to Deacon Tom who became a very good friend and officiant at my wedding years later. Deacon Tom had a wife, and kids, and a life outside of the church. He listened carefully, he asked the right questions, and most important he agreed that what I felt was accurate and valuable. He apologized that I had spent so much time feeling terrified by God and assured me that he was not, as I put it, sitting on a cloud with a clipboard making tick marks that were damning me to hell.

He told me I had every right to question everything about a religion before making a commitment and helped me learn more about the religion that I wanted to choose - Judaism. Ultimately, my mother agreed but laid out the reality. My father and grandparents would have 10 heartaches if I didn't get Confirmed. Then she revealed that even after going to Catholic schools all her life, going to a Catholic college, dragging us to church each week, volunteering at our catholic school, and teaching CCD for years she didn't believe everything. Wait What??!!

Both of them opened the door for me to question the difference between being Spiritual and being Religious. In my opinion being religious is Jim and Tammy Faye Baker. Being religious was my dad cussing at us on Sunday morning to get to church then cussing at us to get out after communion to beat the crowd. Religious, in my opinion, is someone who talks about it, demands it of others, but doesn't have to live it. I am not a fan of organized religion because I think it quickly corrupts what is good.

In my opinion, being Spiritual is not about waving the flag of God but living it. I do not have to tell people I am spiritual but when my best friend gets cancer for the second time I surely fell to my knees and prayed. And I went with her to the Doctor's appointments, put together a calendar of help, and spent 10+ terrifying days in the hospital with her. Because in my opinion, like Miss Wombach says, I took to heart Do unto others, as you would have them to do unto you. 

Can it be that simple? 

Do you like your religion? Do you appreciate the fact that you get to choose your religion? That you can celebrate, practice, and enjoy your religion?

Then my only question is - Why are you taking that away from me? I am not taking it away from you? I'm not asking for laws that make worshipping on Sunday illegal. And believe you me after the trauma of my childhood experience it would be warranted! It would be protecting all those innocent children from extreme trauma, depression, and anxiety. I would be doing all the world a great service!

Read that again.

From screamer to screenwriter

Finding time to sit down and write can  be challenging. Figuring out what to write can be just as challenging - I've been told I am "the sandwich" generation. Taking care of teenagers and my parents at the same time. Most of the time I'm not sure whether to laugh or cry.

My youngest son has always been very vocal. (That's being nice.) He's a fantastic fit thrower. When he was little he would scream when it was time to go pick up his brother from school. He would scream when it was time to leave a playdate. He would scream when it was time to go to bed.  My neighbor finally said to me, "He's not good with transition". Well that much I had figured out!

He has come a long way over the years. There was the always screaming phase, the screaming when he was tired or angry phase (those might have been the same 10 years), the screaming when he was given consequences, and most recently screaming when he is tired or angry. Wait! We are going backwards. Crap.

Now a days he saves the screaming for interactions with his father. (I find it hard to reprimand him because his dad can lose it pretty quickly himself.  Tree meet Apple.) But what I have seen more and more since Junior High is his sense of humor and his ability to defuse a difficulty or highly emotional situation. Thank Goodness! Because living with a Greek there is no shortage of highly emotional difficult situations. Deciding what to have for dinner can go DEFCON 5 in a heartbeat.

This New Year's Eve I texted everyone a question in the morning to think about during the day and have an answer ready for dinner. The questions was: someone you love woke up this morning with no memory of who they were....tell them about themselves.

My husband made notes but it was "You are all wonderful and beautiful. I have the best family and I am very lucky. I love you all very much." He was close - second language - he gets a pass. My oldest son shrugged. Being the one who sent out the question to begin with, feeling nostalgic and lonely for family, tradition, and ritual I wrote each person a three page paper. But it was my youngest who grabbed his phone and started typing as I finished dinner and the others set the table. My husband never stopped yelling at him to PUT HIS PHONE AWAY!!

When it came time to share, he pulled out his phone and started to read. You are Yiannis God of working out and Head of the Greek mafia. Recruited when you were just a boy, you infiltrated the mafia and made yourself indispensable by training all the hitmen. Bored with the Mafia life you came to America and posed as a college student where you met your future wife. You really had no intention of settling down but what you did not know about her was that she too was recruited at a young age to become a paid Siren for the CIA. There was no escaping her wiley ways once she got her sights set. After the CIA discovered that you were not a threat to anyone except the out of shape they deprogrammed both of you so that you could live happily ever after. But you had us and now you live angrily ever after.

Maybe there was something to all those screaming years......