How to make a "Karen"

In case you have been under a rock and are not familiar with the term "Karen" I can give you the #1-Urban Dictionary version - or #2- my teenagers version.

1. A woman whose behavior is characterized--by most standards--to be self-serving, self-preserving, self-entitled and is directly influenced by privilege.

2.Me

First of all I want to make clear, this is NOT a defense of Karen's out there who have done ridiculous things like call the police on a dog walker, threatened a girl scout, or refused to wear their masks or said the hairdresser is their God Given right during the pandemic. 

What I am trying to do is shed some light, for my sons, on how anyone even their mom can be pushed to the absolute limit. Thus - creating a Karen.

I have been under a lot of extra stress as of late while going back and forth to the hospital to support my friend. During that time my family has pitched in and helped out. There were certain things that they left for me - cleaning, shopping, cooking. Please note that during this time, I was still trying to call my mom, who has dementia, everyday. And work a part time job. And shower and sleep at some points. I have a feeling most women are nodding at this point.

So last Saturday when my husband was doing bills and saw something he didn't like in the checking account (the matter is pointless) he promptly started yelling at me. I told him that I would not argue with him about this because there was nothing we could do until Monday. He didn't like my answer. He stopped speaking to me. (It's Tuesday we have argued and snipped but still - not speaking. But also the issue could not be resolved on Monday.)

He was angry enough, we've been married long enough, that I knew on Saturday-I'd be in this for the long haul. That doesn't make it easier, or hurt any less. Also throughout the weekend I was still the mom of 18 and 15 year-old boys. Needless to say, I did not become any less annoying or any more smarter. (Ha! Get it, more smarter.) Likewise throughout the weekend, the world did not become any less divided or any more smarter. (now it's just depressing) We were down to one car because of Snowmageddon and thanks to a long overdue mail delivery, down to one driver because my husband got notice his drivers license was expired. I also had to rack up additional workhours getting things done because I was so far behind.

Fine. Monday. It was a ridiculous day at work. On top of that I called about the checking account issue (university charges) and they said "I'm sorry we can't talk to you because it's your son's account. He has to grant you access." My college aged son with no current job was too busy to grant said access (still not as of Tuesday night). Whatever. I got home from work and asked my husband if he needed a ride to the BMV. He said he made his own plan since he didn't know when I would be home. Hmmmmm??? 4 years now, I work M-TH 8-1pm. But, ok, Passive aggressive much? His ride cancelled so I took him. The BMV was packed so I waited in the car for 30 minutes. During that time I stupidly checked my email and see that I have a bill from the Dr office. Recent office visit for my son was $255.

My husband comes out still not speaking to me. The car is making an awful noise and then starts dinging. It needs gas, was all he said. We stop at the gas station on the way home. I drop him off and head straight to school to pick up the 15 year old from track. He is in a mood because we have taken away all video games until his math grade is a B and he failed his math test, again. As I am coming down the hill in school/rush hour traffic the car stalls. The power steering goes out. I am going down a hill toward a guardrail, a 50 foot drop, and a drainage ditch. While my teenager is yelling at me.

So when I get the wheel turned, throw the car in neutral and restart it, and get going again it was not fast enough for the person behind me and they proceeded to honk and gesture and be a $&%@ I lost my shit for the FIRST FREAKING TIME SINCE SATURDAY!!! 

and my son mumbles, Don't be such a Karen. I turned on him. Do you want to know why there are Karen's? Because everyone is allowed to have a bad day EXCEPT ME! My teenagers are allowed to be shitty and yell at me, my husband is allowed to get pissed and stop talking to me, everyone at work is allowed to miss deadlines and ignore my emails, and on top of that people are allowed to honk and flip me off and I HAVE TO TAKE IT!!! @&$)%# &%#$*@ (*&#@!*$

We rode home in silence. He made me dinner. He chatted about school and life. He's given me unlimited hugs! He's checked in several times today to ask how I'm doing or just said I love you. My husband-still not talking to me. One out of three isn't bad. And it's the only thing keep me from going full on Karen all over the Insurance Company, the University, and my 18 year-old - but I think this will start to come out when my husband gets home. I'll try to restrain Karen, but I can't promise anything.

It's the moments that count....

The journey of parenting is a long and winding road. There are many hills, lots of hills, years of hills! My friend that was facing cancer surgery again, and again, is finally recovering at home. She is surrounded by her grown son's who have gone above and beyond to do whatever is needed for Mom. She is impressed - I am not surprised. She worked hard to raise good children - damn hard. She was a single mom with three kids - one with physical and developmental delays - no real spousal support or family support to speak of.

Everything that her boys are today is because of her! (Just my biased opinion) And they are amazing young men. They have picked up the ball at every down and run with it. Just like their cherished Bengals will do in the SUPERBOWL baby! Who Dey!! I digress.

Just the other day her son looked at her and said, "Mom. I don't know how you raised three of us all alone. I am in awe. Thank you. For all that you did for us growing up, because now I have just a hint of how hard it was." Go ahead get some tissues...I am too!

As I round a Century Old I feel like we still scare the shit out of people about having babies. When the reality is those babies are the easiest ones. Teenagers are the ones that will kill ya'! Or send you to jail for killing. Middle school and high school years are the literal reason for a hair color industry. I just read that being President of the US takes like 20 years off their life. The teenage years easily one up that.

I have been sending my friend a daily quote some inspirational some humor depending on her latest mood. After she texted me her son's words I found a beautiful picture with the infamous quote:

So much of what she is going through right now is a struggle and that moment - that moment that your grown son realizes how much it took for you to get through the day - and thanks you. That is pure parenting gold. It helps to put back into your life force some of what they extracted with door slamming, silent treatment, and Algebra II. (Why are we still teaching this??)

Don't let the golden parenting moments go by without taking a breath and saying Thank you. I did it because I love you. I did because you are worth it. I did it because I knew someday we would have a moment just like this.