When I'm sorry is not enough....

If I looked back through my blogs I know that I will find an entry from 5 years ago when I wrote about my friend who was diagnosed with cancer. 

Here we are 5 years later - it's back.

And after another horrendously painful and extensive surgery she was due to go home tomorrow, I was on my way back to the hospital tonight when I got a call that they rushed her back into the OR.

I am at a loss for words. "I'm sorry" are not sufficient to convey the depth of guilt and grief I feel for the pain and suffering she has endured.  Both surgeries have now resulted in a trauma not just to her body but to her soul. And as her friend, her person, her "family" my heart breaks. She doesn't deserve ANY of this but feeling terrified and being alone - feeling all alone. No one deserves that. Especially someone this good.

My prayers tonight are not just for the surgeons skilled hands and God's grace but that she may heal both inside and out. May her soul heal as well.

Welcome 2022

I didn't even go back and look at prior New Year's post but considering my relationship to resolutions there is no need. I laid awake last night as I always do, trying to replay the year in my head. Mostly I sit and breathe through the panic attack that is me the Monkey's screaming :WHAT HAVE YOU DONE THIS YEAR!!!!"

So you see why I do not like resolutions - it just gives the Monkey's fuel for the New Year's Dumpster fire at Midnight. But last night after my husband lost it at me because evidently I had lost it at him all day, we cut the New Year's cake in silence. Then he went to bed. I sat there replaying the day, the years, my entire life. HAPPY NEW YEAR party of 1.

We will all be headed back to work and school on Monday - and we will start the race all over again. Mark, Set, GO! Sigh.....nope. Two dinners left. So I am giving my family homework.  Your loved one has suffered a blow to the head and they have retrograde amnesia. They wake up and have no idea who you are, but more important, they don't know who THEY are....that's up to you.

Write a not to your family member and tell them all about themselves.

What do you tell them? How do you describe them-to them?

My hope? That when we step back for a moment we can look at loved ones with love and not the annoyance of normal everyday living. Yes. One of us will always be the task master, One of us the martyr. One of us the Diva, etc etc. You know what I mean! If you are a member of a family you get it. We take each other and their roles for granted. 

Instead of resolutions this year - try asking your loved ones to describe yourself to you. Open your heart and your mind and let's fil this year with LOVE. Happy New Year.