How to raise a Hostage Negotiator

My youngest son is also my most stubborn son. But let me say - not the most stubborn in the house - that Award goes to my husband. Stubborn people get a bad rap and understandably as I have spent hours complaining about it I can not deny that. If I look at the last 25 years with my stubborn husband, there are times when it worked to his advantage. Not mine maybe but his. And I also have to add that with stubbornness comes Passion. Great, Huge, Bigger than life Passion.

It is with great passion and stubbornness that my youngest son is writing an argumentative essay on why students should get less homework. Although he is not the first person to write this essay as a quick Google search reveals, I am quite confident he is the most persuasive.

This is the child who could tantrum for 3 hours straight for no real reason we could see other than he didn't want to go to bed. This is the child who could scream for 35 minutes about having to pick up his toys. This is the tween who had over 50 reason why he could not take a shower two days in a row. He is now the teenager who goes toe to toe with his Dad everyday on everything because, "He thinks he can do whatever he wants and get away with it!"

Do you see why we have been calling him the hostage negotiator since he was born!

We were "discussing" his essay the other day after I asked him to go home after practice and take a shower first before he started his homework. I didn't want worms for dinner but since I opened the can..."I have too much homework to do. I am a student first, without good grades I will never get into college. I can't take a shower first I won't get to bed on time and I'll be off my sleep schedule. If teachers didn't give so much homework I wouldn't be screaming at you - it's all their fault! Studies show that homework is not effective - most of it is busy work - and 60% if it does not even get graded...." 

There are days this isn't funny. Exhausting. Annoying. Hurtful. Not funny. But when I have a moment to step back, listen, think - How can he use his powers for good? That's when I wonder - if stubborn indignance is just passion undirected? If I can motivate that passion in the right direction, I know that he can take over the world. Or at least get High School students less homework.

What's the hardest thing about Parenting?

 All of it!

Recently, I was talking to a friend who is a HS administrator. I asked "How's it going?" Knowing this was probably a tough question to answer considering the last two school years. He gave a heavy sigh, and said, "It is not the year we expected, but there is more good than bad."

Afterwards I thought about his response and figured that is why he has been able to do his job for so many years. He looks for the good, he doesn't count up the bad. I think this could sum up Parenting. If someone had told you before you had kids, You'll go from 2 am feedings to 2 am phone calls in about a minute. Oh, and in between, every time you think you have it figured out, it changes. Good Luck. Would you still do it?

This parenting game is hard. The rules aren't set, the manual is incomplete, and everything and Everyone is always changing. There are the days when I am parenting and being parented all at the same time. I thought looking up the definition would help solidify this for me: The activity of bring up a child. Thank you Captain Obvious.

What is the hardest thing about Parenting?

Not knowing. Never knowing. And at the age that I am, taking care of my parents.

I wish that my Grandparents were still around, because I think I am really ready to hear what they were trying to tell me all those years ago. At age 16, I couldn't imagine being a mom, let alone having to take care of mine. Grandparents know this and they try to tell us those pearls of wisdom, but we can't hear what we are not quite ready for.

I wonder what my Grandparents would have said if I'd asked - What was the hardest part thing about being a parent? Then I remember all the hugs and kisses and hearing them all say - The Best part of being a Parent is having grandchildren.....I guess they did answer after all.