Bless you Child

I have two teenage boys. 18 and 15 right now. There are not many moments that take my breathe away - in a good way. Trust me they take my breathe away on a daily basis!! It's more of the - Oh No You Didn't! Hold my breathe - Don't kill them. Kind of take my breath away.

But recently my youngest, who is my most hormonally challenged was standing on my last nerve as usual. So I stopped engaging in conversation and focused on making dinner.  He was "working on homework" at the kitchen table while I cooked. I cut myself, I screwed up the recipe, I had to go down the basement 4 times to get items I forgot. Finally I stood looking out the kitchen window silently crying. Between the constant arguing with my son, my mom's dementia, and my inability to get dinner on the table I was done.

My son just walked over and hugged me. If that wasn't enough he said, "It's ok Mom." It's not I sobbed, Nanna has Dementia, her mom had Dementia, I probably already have it because I can't even make dinner! That's when my snarky 15 year-old son said "Ok first of all you do not have Dementia yet but even if you do get it you have us Mom, and I promise to take care of you."

How do you stop crying after that? Well, with this child, quickly because not wanting to miss an opportunity to make a joke he adds, "Besides by the time you get Dementia I will be a Professional Soccer Player who makes so much money I can put you in a really nice home and hire help. It's alllllll good."

It was the thought that counted and the recording I got.

I'll never make it on NPR

I realized to day as I was listening to The Splendid Table that I will never make it on NPR. When it was time to replace Lynne Rosetto Kasper who did they choose? Francis Lamb. Who hosts Science Friday? Ira Flatow. And there's Ira Glass, Lakshmi Singh, Sylvia Poggiolo....I do not have a cool enough name!! Depressing.

Maybe I should change my name - or get a really good alias?! Remember when Phoebe changed her name to Princess Consuela Banana Hammock? And Karen Walker would wipe our her alias in a heartbeat - Anastasia Beaverhausen. I'm not a Dude or a vampire slayer - but Buffy Lebowski has a unique ring. 

Some options have been ruined by popular culture. Once upon a time, the name Hermione would have gotten me a direct line into NPR. Not any more. Being named after a city or state is not longer one off either. There are Dakota's, Carolina's, Boston's, and Brooklyn's.

If I can't come up with the perfect unique name all of my dreams of NPR fame are doomed!

Is there NPR fame? Do any of you even know what I am talking about? Maybe my in at NPR is not my name but my angle. My unique voice! Sigh - like 50 year-old suburban soccer mom's are "unique". I'm doomed.

Well - if anyone has a suggestions I will take it. I don't have much left, but this dream. It's NPR or BUST.

The Squeaky Wheel gets the Grease

Our dinner discussion recently centered around certain saying we will never understand. One of my son's mentioned never understanding the saying, "They can't see the forest for the trees," I'm 50 years old. I am not sure that I understand it. At one point I thought yeah yeah I get it...someone who is only looking at this not the bigger picture. But then the fixed vs growth mindset and mindfulness movement took off and it stresses staying in the now, the moment, the trees. Now I am confused again.

Another saying that came up was "the squeaky wheel gets the grease". My kids have heard this numerous times because I have one son (like me) who will not open his mouth. Then I have one son (like his father) who can't shut up. This saying comes up in conversation a lot with my older son as I try to tell him that advocating for himself is important. Teachers, coaches, friends, parents can not help you if you do not communicate with them. 

What is the opposite saying from "The squeaky wheel gets the Grease?" What do I say to my younger son who squeaks about everything! and I do mean E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G!!! But he is in a generation, a current culture that reinforces this idea of Squeak! Squeak away! Everything you think and feel is tragic, epic, and important.

Call me old. No really, I am, it's all good. I have not found enough hard scientific evidence to confirm this phenomenon. We chickens have not produced a generation of Eagles that are far superior. It is exhausting. Having to adhere to a dress code is not a sexist antifeminine fascist regime. Baseball does not need to change the name of the Bullpen because cattle might be offended. And no one cares what you eat for every meal, how many times you workout, or every single outfit change. YOU ARE NOT AN EAGLE.

Every generation should strive to be better. To right some wrongs. Teach their children well. But that generation should also learn their history because if they do not, they are doomed to repeat it. Do we not have enough examples in history to know that powers divide so they can conquer?! We are in this together! We are all human and we have more in common than difference. We all seek to survive, procreate, and protect.

Social Media is the most Unsocial thing there is! Facebook has literally wiped out human interaction. People sit next to each other "sharing" posts instead of talking. Followers are not friends. Friends are the people who show up to help you move, watch your kids when you have the flu, or drive you back and forth to Chemo. Celebrities are human beings that WE as other human beings have decided to make an Eagle. Yet, once we make them an Eagle we get pissed that they are up there and then start hacking at their wings. God forbid those Eagle soar unlike us chickens stuck here pecking at the ground.

What is the opposite saying? How do I teach my children when to squeak and when to silence their squeak and keep moving. How do I teach my children that being a chicken is just as valuable - more valuable- than being an Eagle? Eagles are rare, beautiful, and majestic, Chickens are too. How do I know. Because I am a chicken, surrounded by chickens that I love. That astound and amaze and humble me everyday.

My 80 year-old neighbor who was in IT from the start of it all still volunteers his time to underprivileged schools that need IT services. My Aunt the life-long nurse retired to volunteer at Hospice. And so many people that I have met while working in Non-profit! Engineers that give their time to build adaptations for children's with special needs, CEO's who give their time to read resumes and give mock interviews, people who donate their sewing skills to adapt pajamas for patients at Children's hospital, the teachers that have done more than babysit my children but have pushed them harder, made them walk taller, loved them like their own!!! the list goes on and on AND ON!

Those chickens....those chickens make the world a better place. Without social media, without fame or fortune, just by being their own rare and beautiful self. This is what I strive to teach my two beautiful chickens. The world needs more chickens than it does Eagles, and being an Eagle isn't any easier than being a chicken.

SNL clip

My chicken and eagle reference is from the brilliant Poet Taylor Mali. If the SNL clip made you laugh check out his poem What Teachers Make

What a day!

For anyone with teenagers, you know how few days are - WOW! Today was one of those rare days for my youngest son. He got in the car and said - Wait till you hear about today. I held my breath for the first few minutes but it wasn't one of those days....

His day started with a power outage. OK, simple snag, right. Just getting started, next the fire alarms go off, not just once but several times leaving everyone outside for 45 minutes. The power outage did not just turn out the lights, it also blew powers strips and other items. (Uh oh) The bigger issue, whatever it was that blew up at the Elementary school across the lot sent the kids and teachers running. (so to speak) After alerting the little ones parents, they brought the remaining students over to the High School where the generators finally kicked in. They didn't have all their lights, internet, etc. But they could run the cafeteria and that's all the school district needs to keep them at school. (not the high point for my teenager) However, he was stupefied that while running on generators the cafeteria managed to make the best lunch yet.

The schedule was already modified today to accommodate presentations for all the 10th grade. The morning craziness just added to the overall destruction of a productive day. He talked more about all the people he hung out with during the fire alarm, who he talked with during the presentation, lunch on the fly, and getting the scoop during his study hall which he spends helping run passes in the counselors office. 

What is the WOW part - my son talking animatedly all the way home. He didn't grump, growl, or snark at me. He didn't get on his phone. This is truly a gift to the parent of a teenager. Several minutes of respite from being the stupidest person on earth. A glimpse back to the wide-eyed little one that wanted to tell you all about their day. A moment to remember and yet look forward because as long as these days seem, they will not last forever.

Here's to a Crazy Day!!

How to raise a Hostage Negotiator

My youngest son is also my most stubborn son. But let me say - not the most stubborn in the house - that Award goes to my husband. Stubborn people get a bad rap and understandably as I have spent hours complaining about it I can not deny that. If I look at the last 25 years with my stubborn husband, there are times when it worked to his advantage. Not mine maybe but his. And I also have to add that with stubbornness comes Passion. Great, Huge, Bigger than life Passion.

It is with great passion and stubbornness that my youngest son is writing an argumentative essay on why students should get less homework. Although he is not the first person to write this essay as a quick Google search reveals, I am quite confident he is the most persuasive.

This is the child who could tantrum for 3 hours straight for no real reason we could see other than he didn't want to go to bed. This is the child who could scream for 35 minutes about having to pick up his toys. This is the tween who had over 50 reason why he could not take a shower two days in a row. He is now the teenager who goes toe to toe with his Dad everyday on everything because, "He thinks he can do whatever he wants and get away with it!"

Do you see why we have been calling him the hostage negotiator since he was born!

We were "discussing" his essay the other day after I asked him to go home after practice and take a shower first before he started his homework. I didn't want worms for dinner but since I opened the can..."I have too much homework to do. I am a student first, without good grades I will never get into college. I can't take a shower first I won't get to bed on time and I'll be off my sleep schedule. If teachers didn't give so much homework I wouldn't be screaming at you - it's all their fault! Studies show that homework is not effective - most of it is busy work - and 60% if it does not even get graded...." 

There are days this isn't funny. Exhausting. Annoying. Hurtful. Not funny. But when I have a moment to step back, listen, think - How can he use his powers for good? That's when I wonder - if stubborn indignance is just passion undirected? If I can motivate that passion in the right direction, I know that he can take over the world. Or at least get High School students less homework.

What's the hardest thing about Parenting?

 All of it!

Recently, I was talking to a friend who is a HS administrator. I asked "How's it going?" Knowing this was probably a tough question to answer considering the last two school years. He gave a heavy sigh, and said, "It is not the year we expected, but there is more good than bad."

Afterwards I thought about his response and figured that is why he has been able to do his job for so many years. He looks for the good, he doesn't count up the bad. I think this could sum up Parenting. If someone had told you before you had kids, You'll go from 2 am feedings to 2 am phone calls in about a minute. Oh, and in between, every time you think you have it figured out, it changes. Good Luck. Would you still do it?

This parenting game is hard. The rules aren't set, the manual is incomplete, and everything and Everyone is always changing. There are the days when I am parenting and being parented all at the same time. I thought looking up the definition would help solidify this for me: The activity of bring up a child. Thank you Captain Obvious.

What is the hardest thing about Parenting?

Not knowing. Never knowing. And at the age that I am, taking care of my parents.

I wish that my Grandparents were still around, because I think I am really ready to hear what they were trying to tell me all those years ago. At age 16, I couldn't imagine being a mom, let alone having to take care of mine. Grandparents know this and they try to tell us those pearls of wisdom, but we can't hear what we are not quite ready for.

I wonder what my Grandparents would have said if I'd asked - What was the hardest part thing about being a parent? Then I remember all the hugs and kisses and hearing them all say - The Best part of being a Parent is having grandchildren.....I guess they did answer after all.