What will push you over the edge?

It's sometimes funny what will send you over the edge.  During those times of great stress you can almost feel so Zen in the midst of it, you think Buddha himself would look to you for wisdom.  You pat yourself on the back and pray that everyone in your life can feel like this.

Then it happens. The proverbial straw that breaks the camel's back. And looking back after it's all over you can laugh at how literally it was a straw - not a piano or a vault like in the Roadrunner. When I was in the midst of coordinating my mastectomy and just a few little things like Christmas for two boys who still believe in Santa, wrapping up a day of Activities at the school for all 720 students along with 40 Group Activity leaders and 100 volunteers, and starting a new project with a week of games, activities, and prizes all related to reading, it wasn't all the Doctor's appointments that sent me over the edge. It was my Yahoo account getting hacked.

I totally lost it. Completely lost my cookies. I sat at the computer screaming and crying and pounding on the keyboard until I found a number and somehow got a hold of a live person at Yahoo who I proceeded to crytalk at for 45 minutes.  That poor boy not only had to answer for the "I'm stuck in Thailand" email but also my DCIS, stupid committee members, volunteers backing out at the eleventh hour, and the fact that I didn't want a freaking' Gerbil but I had to give my son the freaking' Gerbil because otherwise not only would I have crappy breasts but also a crappy Christmas!

My friend called Friday morning and just needed to vent.  After holding it together, quite remarkably, these last 7 months for a woman who was actually dead for many minutes - Samsung sent her over the edge.

She just wanted her dishwasher fixed. That's all. There was no end to the calls and scheduling and late repair men at her house until 8 pm and still no dishwasher. So the last message she left was very clear.  The dishwasher must be fixed on Friday in the morning because that is the only time that she is available. Guess what. They didn't even call back until Friday morning, at 9:30 a.m. and said they could come out Monday evening. At that point she lost her cookies.

The man on the phone had to answer for the dishwasher as well as hard it is come back from the dead when you can't drive, or remember numbers and your son's trying to buy his first house so that's kind of important because otherwise how will she ever find his new house or get there now that she has to take the bus because if she is always screwing up numbers she could end up on the wrong bus at the wrong house! He apologized sincerely, rearranged his whole day to get to her by 11 am and said to her, "Mame, I got your back. I got you - I promise."

She called me to say, "What the hell just happened?" Because she knew I would understand, and make her laugh. I've been there.  You would think waking up and finding out not only that you were dead but that you've been out for four days would send someone over the edge. But nope, it's the little things. Like trying to get a dishwasher fixed.

It made us both giggle though at the number of repairmen and customer service agents that get more than their share of an earful day in and day out.  We are sure they are not paid enough.  I explained that after my episode with the Yahoo Customer Service agent I wasn't sure if he was putting me on his prayer list for the breast cancer or for best dancer? or repressed answers? The crytalk leaves a lot of gaps for them to fill in.

She said she wasn't sure how much he understood and she was hoping he at least heard "Heart Condition" and not rare fart condition. We are not sure of the schooling level of a dishwasher repairmen but we hope he knows that even if you had a rare fart condition they wouldn't use an MRI to detect it. Probably a colonoscopy.  Anyway, thank goodness for good people and prayer lists even if it is for rare fart conditions.

Never underestimate the power of a Woman

I have said it over and over again in the last ten 20 years.....look at MADD (Mother's Against Drunk Drivers) That is the power of one woman - she changed a culture and rewrote laws in this country.

International Women's Day

I have the beginning of this quote at the bottom of all my emails, it is from Al Capone...

“Don't mistake my kindness for weakness. I am kind to everyone, 

but when someone is unkind to me, 

weak is not what you are going to remember about me.”

Right now this is what I want the world to hear about me - about Women.

Do not mistake our kindness, nurturing, hard work, dedication, loyalty, talent, ingenuity, tenacity, intelligence, versatility, and passion for weakness. For we are what brought you into the world.

I will not tear you down sister women - I will not step on you...

but I will lift you up to rise with me because together we are stronger.

I'm not ready for High School....again!

From Parenthood the movie...

Helen: It sounds like a boy Garry's age needs a man around the house.

Tod: Well, it depends on the man. I had a man around. He used to wake me up every morning by flicking lit cigarettes at my head. He'd say, "Hey, asshole, get up and make me breakfast." You know, Mrs. Buckman, you need a license to buy a dog, or drive a car. Hell, you need a license to catch a fish! But they'll let any butt-reaming asshole be a father.

thanks to IMDb

Just because almost all of us had parent's doesn't mean we learned how to be a parent. And just because I was a Middle School kid once - doesn't mean I understand what my middle school kid is going through now.

This became very clear in the past two years.  I finally asked a professional last week what to do about my 13 year-old son. I said I feel like I'm struggling to get through to him, to motivate him. I feel like he is in such a negative place and I want to help him see it won't last forever. This wonderful woman asked me to give her an example. Which I gladly did. To which she replied. "UGH."

Yes. Ugh. Then silence. I know I'm screwing up, that's why I was asking a professional. I may not know beans about the brain of thirteen year-old boys but I do know when to ask for help. Thank goodness she did not hold back. This is a woman who spent 20 years working with youth in the Juvenile court system. She said bluntly, "You need to stop talking and start listening. Really listening. That's all he wants."

I wasn't hurt or mad and to be honest I wasn't surprised. I get tired of hearing my own voice. Active listening is not a new concept to me, it's just so darn hard! It takes a lot of effort, work, and patience. It also requires a lot of letting go. (Something I am not known for) In order to be a really good listener you have to let go of your own agenda and more important your ego. (ouch) That's the tough one. That's also one of the keys of a good parent, knowing when to let go of what you want and do what's best for your child.

My almost fourteen year-old son and I are heading down the road to High School.  To be perfectly honest I have been just as terrified of high school as I was of middle school, but I know it's because I hated both. I know in my heart that I need to separate myself and my experiences from my son. it's just hard.

I feel fortunate to be in a great school district right now.  Last weekend was Jazzfest and I met the High School Band Director who already knows my son (how cool is that!) and had wonderful things to say about him,  He promised me that my son could play sports and be in the band. He said he makes sure if it because he believes so strongly that this should be the best time of their lives.

Maybe I can breathe. Maybe I can let go a little bit. Maybe there is a universe out there where kids actually have a great time in High School and he knows where that worm hole is.....maybe.

Maybe I can breathe. Maybe I can let go a little bit. Maybe there is a universe out there where Mom's actually do a few right things raising their teenagers and I've stumbled on the worm hole....maybe?

(I'll let you know)

Women's March Saturday January 21, 2017

Yesterday Trump made history, and today women will. With numbers that may top the Suffrage movement and Roe vs. Wade women will gather around the world to stand together for a cause.

I almost went to DC. I am still ready to jump in my mini-van and head downtown. Something is still holding me back.

I'm not interested in protesting. 

Let's stop fighting - and start fixing. Let's stop hurting  - and start healing. Let's stop dividing each other into groups and stand together because

 Sisters - I've got your back!

I've been online looking at information as well as listening and reading interviews. The one thing that is stopping me is that word - Protest. 

I'm new to this idea of speaking up. When people get vehement about Right to Life instead of saying what I believe I get quiet, hope they shut up quickly and change the subject.  When people start talking about how they don't want "those" people in their bathrooms I smile politely and walk away.

I don't want to fight with you! I would love to have a respectful discussion regarding your beliefs as well as my own.  I would love to learn from you if you are willing to learn from me - because I believe we all have something unique to share.

I'm just finding my voice. I'm still very easily overpowered by the yellers, the demanders, and the haters.  The people that you know are not listening to you because you can not get a word in edgewise, or they let you start a sentence and then start talking over you, or they just keep repeating a insult over and over while you talk. That is why a March - a Rally - a Stand is very appealing to me.

I don't need to yell or scream to be heard. I don't need to break things or people to be felt. I don't need to paint signs or my face to be seen.

No - I didn't get to DC - No I won't make it downtown today. But Yes - Sister Women. I stand with you today in the cause that Michelle Obama has stated over and over so eloquently - stick together. There is power in numbers but there is bigger power in women in numbers.  We have the power and it is time to use it.

I promise to use my voice Sister Women. I promise to use my voice when they put provisions on the ballot to change bathroom rules. I promise to use my voice when they want to elect someone who believes we should overturn Roe vs. Wade. I promise to use my voice when I choose what news to watch, what channel to listen to, or what products to buy. and I promise Sisters, I promise to use my voice every time another sister says that women's rights don't matter by calling a rapist the real victim, a hater just a christian who's morally right, and a chooser a murderer.

That is my promise - but I want to know that I am not alone. I want to know that you have my back. I don't want to protest sister  - I want to fight fear with love. I want to fight hate with hope. I want to fight division with deserving.  I want to stand together with you in shear numbers and let the world know - The Women Are Here!!!

A Little Chicken of the 80's

If you know me and all three of you who read my blog do, you know that I have never been much of a news person. Having a panic disorder was probably a huge part of it. I can't watch the news without reacting much like Chicken Little.

Excellent movie by the way. TOTALLY me. I have trouble getting through a good day without fear of the sky falling let alone listening to the news.

But is it really News anymore? My problem is that my first two years of college when I worked at the University Newspaper and took some journalism courses the mantra was report the facts unbiased, fairly, and from all angles. I don't feel like that is what the news is all about anymore.

It's all about sides. It's all about Us against Them. It's all about the popular kids starting a fight and then sitting back and laughing their asses off while us nerds tear each other apart.

WHAT IS UP WITH THAT? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE! Didn't you learn anything from the 80's?? John Hughes is soooo disappointed.

For my children's sake, for my sake, for humanity's goodness sake I am begging us all. 

Just Say No. Stop the Madness. Turn it off you'll ruin your ears.

We created this mess. We partied all night, wanted our MTV, and girls just wanted to have fun. But Frankie says Relax. Take a chill pill.  It's OK to grow up and change your mind just remember Goonies never say die.

Life moves pretty fast, if you don't stop to look around one in a while, you could miss it. So turn off the news! Get out of the corner, Baby. Say, Hasta La Vista to the news and say Good Morning Vietnam or Cleveland or wherever you are. Don't turn the news back on until they can Make Your Day! literally

Don't let real life pass you by while you are glued to the Boob Tube. Get outside and do something Rad. Tubular. Rock'in. So instead of watching the news today bust out that old Boombox, fill that sucker with D batteries, put in that Perter Gabriel cassette on full volume, and hold it up high! It's time to take our lives back and tell the news media

It's January

There are certain things I can count on in January: gray days, too many people at the gym, unsolicited health advice everywhere, and hope.

Have you ever noticed that no matter what is going on in your life there is usually a glimmer of hope in January. It's like the year is a blank notebook lying in front of you with all the potential in the universe. Amazing drawings, perfect poems, clever menus, and clear calendars. It's all there.

What happens? Suddenly it's April and you think, OK no biggie. It's only on 4 I still have plenty of time. But before you know it summer is here and then gone and then it just feels like - Hold the notebook above the rising water and get to the other side....I can try again next year.

I was watching the Ellen DeGeneres Show I think January 2 when we were all still off reality. She asked her audience about resolutions and not many people responded. Probably not good for her next bit but she choose a women in the front and asked what her resolution was - it was lose weight. Ellen said "Why did you wait till January? Shouldn't you have made that resolution in November before you ate all that crap?"

She's right! Why do we feel like January is the only hopeful month of the year? Because it's number 1? Considering I'm more of a C average student I'm thinking July is just about when I'm hitting my stride. Why not make resolutions then?

Last year we started daily resolutions and our goal was 365 - and we got to July. Funny Huh, if you follow my logic I got an A on that assignment because I didn't wait until July to start I got up to July! Woohoo,

It's January - and it will be gray for the next two months, the gym will be overcrowded until all those people finally give up, and I will continue to get healthy advice from my financial advisor to my mechanic. But I also have hope.

Here's to July!